Well folks, the Endgame is upon us. I’m seeing it Thursday night, and I’m very excited. I’ve been doing a lot of research (read: watching a lot of YouTube videos) to prepare, and I’ve seen a lot of theories about what could happen in this movie. I’m trying my hand at doing the whole “predictions” thing, because what good is the Internet if everyone’s not trying to guess everything that’s going on always? Here goes nothing:
–We’ll see Professor Hulk. In a new poster, we see the Hulk in what appears to be his final form. He looks more like Bruce Banner than he usually does in Hulk form, which likely means we’ll meet Professor Hulk, a comic book character who has the brains of Banner with the brawn of the Hulk.
–Black Widow and Okoye team up to do something cool. I’m not sure what that cool thing will be, because they’re two of the more grounded Avengers going up against the most powerful being in the universe, but they had a moment where they fought alongside Scarlet Witch in Infinity War and I just have a feeling they’ll be teaming up again in this movie.
–Wong comes out of nowhere to become a key piece of the puzzle. After the Time Stone was taken in Infinity War, Wong dipped to protect the New York Sanctum from Doctor Strange. It’s been confirmed that actor Benedict Wong will be back for this movie, so I think it’s fair to assume he’s going to do some Master of the Mystic Arts stuff.
–Captain Marvel doesn’t play as big of a role as we’re led to believe. I think this movie is going to focus more on coming full circle with the OG Avengers, so they won’t focus on a brand-new character in Endgame.
–Rocket Raccoon has more of a role than we’re led to believe. Rocket is crafty, knows the ins and outs of space travel, and presumably knows a lot about Thanos from his travels with Gamora. I have a feeling Rocket will be a key player.
–It takes more than one shot at Thanos to win. I imagine the team’s going to come up with a plan, fight Thanos once, maybe lose a few Avengers, and come away with two or three stones. Then, they’ll be able to take down the Mad Titan once the playing field is leveled.
–Captain America delivers the final blow to Thanos. Cap hasn’t really had a huge shining moment in any Avengers movie, despite being the team’s leader. He had that moment in Infinity War where he stopped Thanos from closing his fist for a few seconds, but other than that he hasn’t had a signature moment in a non-Captain America movie. I think he’ll be the one to take Thanos down once and for all, possibly by using one of the Infinity Stones.
–Lots of deaths. My guesses: Iron Man, The Hulk, Rhodey, Hawkeye, and Thanos (duh). There are several reasons I picked this lineup. I think Rhodey will be one of the first to go since he’s one of the less-equipped Avengers going into this battle. Hawkeye will be forced to make a choice between himself and his dusted family, and he’ll choose them. I don’t know if I trust Bruce Banner’s instincts in battle even when he has the strength of the Hulk, and he’s an outside-the-box pick to die that no one is really talking about. Finally, I think Tony Stark is going down in the final battle against Thanos, which will give Steve Rogers the motivation/power to wield one of the Stones against Thanos. Thanos dies because he’s the bad guy, and that’s what bad guys do in these movies.
–Time gets turned back and all the characters who got snapped to dust will return. I mean, this one is basically a forgone conclusion. We know that Spider-Man has another movie coming out this summer, and sequels for characters like Black Panther, Doctor Strange, and the Guardians of the Galaxy have been confirmed.
–Steve Rogers survives, but decides to step away from the Avengers after this. After taking Thanos down, Captain America will step down and finally retire after years of saving the world. The Captain America shield will get passed on to one of his friends (my guess is Bucky, but there have also been rumors that Falcon will take over), and we’ll see him pop up here and there, but he’ll take a backseat moving forward.
…
I’ll do a follow-up after I’ve seen the movie to cover just how wrong I am. Until next time!
Avengers: Infinity War may be the most impressive superhero movie ever made. It features nearly every hero throughout the Marvel Cinematic Universe’s decade-plus run, and each hero has their own moment to shine. It also features what may be the MCU’s best villain yet in Thanos, plus an ending that deviates from the usual superhero formula: this time, the villain comes out on top and snaps away half the universe, devastating the Avengers that survived Thanos’ infamous snap.
It’s been confirmed that the Avengers will attempt to use time travel to undo Thanos’ snap in Avengers: Endgame, but did Thanos even have to win in the first place? After watching Infinity War several more times, I came up with a few different times Earth’s mightiest heroes could have taken out the Mad Titan. Let’s see how many opportunities the team missed to win the battle.
The Guardians of the Galaxy meet Thanos on Knowhere, where he’s attempting to take the Reality Stone from The Collector. Peter Quill tries to get the Guardians to follow some semblance of a plan to take on Thanos, but instead they each make an individual attempt to take out one the most powerful beings in the universe. It appears at first that Gamora kills Thanos, but it’s revealed to be an illusion created by the Stone. I’m going to call this three missed opportunities.
Here, we see Starlord completely screw up what was probably the team’s best opportunity to defeat Thanos. Each hero does their part to subdue him, and Starlord hauls off after finding out Thanos threw Gamora off a cliff to get the Soul Stone. My other gripe in this scene is this: earlier in the movie, we see Wong (the other Master of the Mystic Arts besides Dr. Strange) cut Thanos’ underling’s hand off with one of the magic portals used to transport to other places. Why not do this to the hand that has the Infinity Gauntlet on it? Or, better yet, Thanos’ head? Could have saved us all a lot of time. I guess it’s all part of the plan. I’m calling this four missed opportunities.
In a last-ditch attempt to stop Thanos, the Avengers again try to each take Thanos on individually rather than all attacking him at once. I’m calling this nine missed opportunities (one for each Avenger besides Thor and Scarlet Witch that tries to stop him on their own, because they actually put up a fight).
The most excruciating moment of the whole movie. Thor hits Thanos in the chest with his new axe, Stormbreaker. Rather than finishing him off, Thor taunts Thanos and gives him the chance to snap his fingers and finish the job. One missed opportunity here, the biggest one yet.
Total: SEVENTEEN missed opportunities. The Avengers absolutely should have beaten Thanos, and although we pretty much know they’ll win in Endgame, it’s interesting to look at how much easier their job would have been if they took advantage of the opportunities they were presented.
Marvel Fever is running wild right now. With the recent success of Captain Marvel and with Avengers: Endgame just around the corner, I had the completely original idea to rank every MCU superhero. Before we get into this, a few things:
-Each hero will be judged on a 100-point scale based on the following categories: Superhero Ability (25 points), Personality (25 points), Signature Moment (25 points), Style Points (15 points), and Looks/Uniform (10 points).
-I’m considering the Guardians of the Galaxy to be one large superhero rather than try to judge each individual Guardian. My reasoning is that A.) Trying to figure out each Guardian’s signature moment would be tough because they do mostly everything as a team and B.) I’m lazy.
-I’m not counting the Marvel TV shows like Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Jessica Jones, Iron Fist, etc. because while the TV shows and the movies clearly exist in the same universe, the shows have little to no bearing on the movies.
-I understand that heroes that don’t have their own movies will be at a bit of a disadvantage. With that said, I feel like each hero has had their moments and chances to prove themselves, so I’m not too worried about it.
-Finally, a reminder that I am absolutely correct in these rankings, these are not at all opinion-based, and I will not be engaging with anyone who “disagrees” with the facts I’m about to set forth.
Let’s do this thing.
18. Hawkeye/Ronin
Appears In:Thor, The Avengers, Avengers: Age of Ultron, Captain America: Civil War
Ability (13/25): I’m not totally sure why Hawkeye’s ability to accurately shoot an arrow landed him a spot in the Avengers. He might show off some cool skills as Ronin in Endgame, but as of now his superhero ability leaves something to be desired for me.
Personality (17/25): Clint Barton throws around some good one-liners, but for the most part he’s a background character. They tried to give him some depth with the farm scene in Age of Ultron, but it turned into a real snoozefest.
Signature Moment (18/25): Clint has some underrated moments, like when he gives Scarlet Witch a pep talk that inspires her to kick some ass in Age of Ultron. Right after this, we see her show off her true power for the first time.
Style Points (12/15): Hawkeye makes a lot of cool moves with his bow and arrow, and some of his arrows have awesome, useful features. However, I’m still taking points off because he’s utilizing a weapon from the colonial era.
Looks/Uniform (6.5/10): Hawkeye’s uniform is basically a sleeveless jumpsuit. It’s very forgettable, but hey, it works for him.
17. Falcon
Appears In:Captain America: The Winter Solider, Avengers: Age of Ultron, Captain America: Civil War, Avengers: Infinity War
Ability (16/25): Sam Wilson flies around using a pair of bulletproof wings that he used during his time in the military. He loses points because he’s been incapacitated while using the wings on multiple occasions (Bucky rips a wing off in Winter Soldier, Scott pulls wires out in Ant-Man, etc.) and he’s basically useless without them.
Personality (20/25): Sam is essential in bringing Steve Rogers up to speed after being frozen in Arctic ice for 70 years. He does so with humor and just the right amount of attitude. CUT THE CHECK!
Signature Moment (11/25): Falcon is possibly the most secondary of secondary characters in the MCU, so it’s hard to give him a signature moment. He was pretty cool in the first scene of Captain America: Civil War, so I’ll give that to him.
Style Points (12.5/15): Sam pulls off some nifty moves while flying through the air with his wings. Falcon reminds me of a slightly less-cool Iron Man as far as moves through the air go.
Looks/Uniform (8.5/10): Falcon’s wings are what make him a superhero, and for good reason: they’re bulletproof and have a ton of gadgets. He loses points here because I think his red goggles make him look ridiculous, and his sidekick Redwing is apparently a real falcon in the comics, which would be so much cooler than a drone.
16. Quicksilver
Appears In:Avengers: Age of Ultron
Ability (22/25): Quicksilver is super fast. In Age of Ultron, he has a pretty important role in making sure the people of Sokovia are safe during Ultron’s attack.
Personality (14/25): We don’t really get to know Quicksilver all that well in Age of Ultron. I do like that he uses his last moments to sass Hawkeye with his own line, though.
Signature Moment (19/25): Speaking of the scene where he sasses Hawkeye (and also saves a few lives in the process)…(also this kid is most definitely scarred for life after making eye contact with Quicksilver’s dead body here)
Style Points (13/15): The Quicksilver slow-motion sequences in Age of Ultron are pretty well-done. However, as much as it makes sense, I don’t like that Quicksilver runs out of breath so quickly when he uses his superpower.
Looks/Uniform (3/10): Aaron Taylor-Johnson has a pretty good face, I’ll give him that. But hooo boy, does his superhero uniform stink. A general rule of thumb for superheroes: if I can buy your uniform for like $40 at Dick’s, it’s actually bad.
15. The Wasp
Appears In:Ant-Man, Ant-Man and The Wasp
Ability (21.5/25): Hope van Dyne is even better with her father Hank Pym’s shrinking technology than Scott Lang. She’s like an MMA fighter mixed with a ballerina during fight sequences, a testament to her years of training using the technology.
Personality (17/25): The Wasp was the first female superhero with movie named after herself in the MCU, but she still feels like a secondary character in the movie. Hope is an uptight foil to Scott, and her personality (and character as a whole) can be forgettable.
Signature Moment (14/25): Hope doesn’t have a ton of moments where she’s really saving the day, which is why it feels like she’s a secondary character in Ant-Man and The Wasp. But this clip of her showing off her moves as The Wasp is really well-done.
Style Points (13/15): There are a lot of really cool visual effects in Ant-Man and The Wasp that show off Hope’s moves and how skillfully she can operate when she’s changing size, including the one above.
Looks/Uniform (9/10): I think the shrinking Ant-Man and Wasp suits are going to play a key part in the MCU moving forward. Hope loses a point here for whatever was going on with her hair in Ant-Man.
14. Black Widow
Appears In:Iron Man 2, The Avengers, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Avengers: Age of Ultron, Captain America: Civil War, Avengers: Infinity War
Ability (15/25): Natasha Romanoff is a skilled assassin who’s held her own fighting against all sorts of threats and villains in the MCU. However, since she doesn’t have any real superpowers, she’s one of the biggest liabilities in the Avengers.
Personality (20/25): Nat is an expert negotiator, as evidenced by the fact S.H.I.E.L.D. sent her to negotiate with Loki in The Avengers. She also gets some good quips in and has become one of the key strategists for the team.
Signature Moment (17/25): Romanoff comes up big for Tony Stark at the end of Iron Man 2. After taking down basically every henchman in Justin Hammer’s facility, she hacks into the computer system to give Rhodey control of the War Machine suit again.
Style Points (15/15): Nat is the queen of finesse. She’s quick, she’s flexible, and she’s creative as hell with her moves in hand-to-hand combat. All of the style points.
Looks/Uniform (9/10): It must be somewhat uncomfortable to move as much as Black Widow does while wearing tight leather, but I’m not judging practicality. It looks good, and her wrist zapper thing has come in handy in just about every fight we’ve seen her in.
13. Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier/The White Wolf
Appears In:Captain America: The First Avenger, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Captain America: Civil War, Black Panther (post-credit scene), Avengers: Infinity War
Ability (22.5/25): Bucky Barnes post-Hydra brainwashing is essentially as strong as Captain America. I’d really like to see what a fight between the two of them would look like without Cap pulling his punches to try to get through to Bucky.
Personality (18.5/25): Bucky is basically a human MacGuffin in The First Avenger and Civil War, a robot in The Winter Soldier, and a tertiary character in Infinity War. He seems cool in the few moments we get to know him, but I feel like we don’t know him well at all. Maybe that character development will be something we see post-Endgame.
Signature Moment (17/25): When the Winter Soldier saves Cap by pulling him from the Potomac River, we learn that Bucky is still in there somewhere deep down. This becomes key in Civil War and allows him to help the team in Infinity War.
Style Points (12.5/15): We see a few really cool scenes showing off Bucky’s skills, like the escape scene in Civil War. I also loved the move where he picked up Rocket Raccoon and created a gun helicopter in Infinity War. I’ll get that arm.
Looks/Uniform (7/10): The Winter Soldier mouth bandanna/long hair look was pretty cool, but for the most part Bucky is just dressed like a regular dude. Overall, it’s pretty meh.
12. Scarlet Witch
Appears In:Avengers: Age of Ultron, Captain America: Civil War, Avengers: Infinity War
Ability (25/25): Powered by the Mind Stone, Wanda Maximoff can do extraordinary things with her mind. She can make objects move through one another and cause hallucinations, and she destroyed the Mind Stone before Thanos could get to it (before he turned back time and yanked it out of Vision’s head).
Personality (15/25): I feel like we never really get to know Scarlet Witch all that well. She’s usually a background character who stays quiet and does some powerful stuff to help out the team.
Signature Moment (21/25): After Hawkeye gives her a rousing pep talk in the middle of the Age of Ultron Sokovia battle, Wanda goes off, taking out Ultron’s minions left and right. She deals Ultron one of the final blows of the battle (which The Avengers probably would have lost without her).
Style Points (14/15): We’ve seen Wanda get really creative with her powers, and she does it in a really cool, flashy way. You can sense the attitude in the way she throws her hands around while using her powers.
Looks/Uniform (8/10): Scarlet Witch loses points for being the least witch-looking witch I’ve ever seen. She’s dressed like any woman in her mid-20s walking down the street, but she has powers beyond our wildest dreams.
11. The Incredible Hulk
Appears In:The Incredible Hulk, The Avengers, Iron Man 3 (Kind of), Avengers: Age of Ultron, Thor: Ragnarok, Avengers: Infinity War
Ability (23/25): The Hulk is a born smasher. We’ve seen him ruin entire cities, spend time as a champion gladiator, and Bruce Banner says he tried to kill himself by putting a gun in his mouth and the Hulk spit the bullet out. The only time we’ve seen him definitively lose a fight is when Thanos tossed him over his head like a pizza chef with some fresh dough and threw him into the ground. Also, I should mention that Bruce is a super-genius who’s done valuable work for the Avengers as a scientist.
Personality (18/25): We don’t see much of Hulk’s personality until Ragnarok, but that movie gives us some laugh-out-loud moments because of his dynamic with Thor. Also, Banner’s confusion when he comes out of Hulk mode always gets me pretty good.
Signature Moment (21/25): This is a lot of people’s favorite moment of The Avengers. Hulk’s “Puny god” and Loki’s whimper are both hilarious, plus this is really how Loki himself is defeated in this movie.
Style Points (12/15): Hulk is like a drunk guy in a barroom brawl, except with super-strength. The aforementioned fight with Thanos is what happens when someone matches his physical strength but has superior fighting skills.
Looks/Uniform (9/10): The giant green muscle freak with no clothes on other than tattered pants is an iconic look.
10. Vision
Appears In: Avengers: Age of Ultron, Captain America: Civil War, Avengers: Infinity War
Ability (25/25): Vision is a super-advanced robot made up from a combination of Tony Stark, Bruce Banner, JARVIS, Ultron, and the Mind Stone. He’s super strong, super smart, he can fly, and the Mind Stone shoots a laser out of his forehead. In terms of raw power, he’s one of the strongest Avengers.
Personality (17/25): Vision’s personality is like if you took a 100-level philosophy class, put it into a humanoid robot, and made that humanoid robot incredibly strong.
Signature Moment (22/25): Vision makes an immediate impact in Age of Ultron. He’s born (created?), picks up Thor’s hammer, shows up to Sokovia, and kills Ultron.
Style Points (12/15): Like you might expect from a being that’s half AI, Vision’s not flashy at all, which hurts him here. Also, the first time he misfires with his Mind Stone laser, he breaks Rhodey’s back, so I’m taking a point off.
Looks/Uniform (8/10): Capes are very impractical, and I would think a hyper-intelligent robot would get that. Also, I have a lot of questions about how much influence Vision has on what he looks like in his human form. Like, did he choose that hairline? Do Tony and Bruce’s genetics play a factor in his looks at all? Also, not to be crude but can he choose how long his penis is? Someone get me Kevin Feige’s contact information.
9. Ant-Man
Appears In:Ant-Man, Captain America: Civil War, Ant-Man and The Wasp
Ability (21/25): Scott Lang has the remarkable ability to make himself whatever size he wants and have his strength grow exponentially as he does so. I think he’s going to be a key cog in defeating Thanos.
Personality (23/25): I would watch Paul Rudd in literally any role. He’s perfect for this part, playing the talented goofball to Hope and Hank’s super-serious characters.
Signature Moment (20/25): At the end of Ant-Man, Scott sends himself to the Quantum Realm to defeat the Yellow Jacket. He’s also the first person to figure out a way out of the realm, and the more they explore it, the better chance the Avengers will have to beat Thanos.
Style Points (11.5/15): Scott is nowhere near as smooth using Hank Pym’s technology as Hope is, but he has some really cool moments with the suit (especially when he becomes giant in Civil War and Ant-Man and the Wasp).
Looks/Uniform (9/10): Scott’s suit can make him really huge or really tiny, depending on what the situation requires. It’ll be interesting to watch him shrink down, crawl into Thanos’ ass, and expand to defeat him.
8. Spider-Man
Appears In:Captain America: Civil War, Spider-Man: Homecoming, Avengers: Infinity War
Ability (20/25): Spider-Man is super smart, strong, and has Spidey Senses to boot. He loses points here because he sometimes doesn’t know how exactly to use his powers and he gets bailed out by Tony Stark’s training wheels protocol a little too often.
Personality (21.5/25): As far as Peter Parker goes, the third time is the charm. Tom Holland walks the line of awkward, nerdy Peter and confident, quippy Spider-Man better than Toby Maguire or Andrew Garfield. He loses points because he can be immature and annoying at times (as you might expect from a teenager with superpowers).
Signature Moment (21/25): The “Come on, Spider-Man!” scene at the end of Homecoming is great. It’s Holland’s best acting work in the MCU, and it really demonstrates how far Peter has come as a hero.
Style Points (14/15): I mean, come on. It’s Spider-Man. Of course he racks up the style points. DO A FLIP!
Looks/Uniform (8.5/10): I like the look of Holland’s Spider-Man suit, but like many people, I don’t love that Peter has so much technology at his fingertips. I’m very interested to see the different suits Peter dons in Spider-Man: Far From Home.
7. Doctor Strange
Appears In:Doctor Strange, Thor: Ragnarok, Avengers: Infinity War
Ability (23/25): Doctor Strange can do some wild magical stuff, including creating weapons and portals to different places out of thin air and having control of time when he’s in possession of the time stone. He has one of the most unique skill sets of the MCU’s heroes.
Personality (21/25): Strange is a genius with a photographic memory. He also gets a few good quips in at the expense of other characters (“Protecting your reality, douchebag”). He loses points here for me because he can be super arrogant and I think he could have done a lot more to help defeat Thanos in Infinity War.
Signature Moment (21/25): Strange beats Dormamu by trapping him in a time loop with the time stone. It’s a departure from the action-packed battles that are usually in Marvel movies, and it works really well.
Style Points (12/15): Strange stumbles out of the gate a little in his solo film, as any novice wizard would. But by the time Infinity War rolls around, he’s a full-blown master of the mystic arts, doing all kinds of wild and creative things with his magical abilities.
Looks/Uniform (8.5/10): Strange has the wizard look down pat, and the Cloak of Levitation is pretty sweet (and, as Tony Stark puts it, “One seriously loyal piece of outerwear”).
6. Black Panther
Appears In:Captain America: Civil War, Black Panther, Avengers: Infinity War
Ability (23/25): T’Challa is as fast and strong as Captain America, which we see when they fight in Civil War and when they run into battle together in Infinity War. (Side note: Did Captain America’s Super Soldier Serum contain the heart-shaped herb? NEW THEORY ALERT!)
Personality (20/25): T’Challa is a good man, always seeking the right thing for the people of Wakanda. However, he takes a backseat to his foil, Killmonger, in Black Panther, and the most memorable part of his Infinity War appearance was getting dusted.
Signature Moment (21/25): Black Panther’s signature moment is his defeat of Killmonger. It loses points because the CGI in this scene looks like it’s from the early 2000s. Also, I kinda wish the final battle had been a superpowered Killmonger against a powerless T’Challa, which would have made it more compelling in my eyes.
Looks/Uniform (10/10): The Black Panther suit is awesome, especially after Shuri makes improvements so that it automatically goes on or off whoever’s wearing it. Also, it makes T’Challa’s bulge look huge.
5. Captain America
Appears In:Captain America: The First Avenger, The Avengers, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Avengers: Age of Ultron, Captain America: Civil War, Avengers: Infinity War
Ability (23/25): We’ve seen Cap do some wildly strong stuff, including holding Thanos’ fingers open so he couldn’t use the Infinity Gauntlet while Wanda was trying to destroy the Mind Stone. Dr. Abraham Erskine really knew what he was doing when he made that Super Soldier Serum.
Personality (22/25): Cap is the leader and moral compass of the Avengers. The night before Cap was injected with the serum, Dr. Erskine told him that it made good people better and bad people worse. It seems like Cap has only gotten stronger since then, which is a testament to his personality and moral fortitude.
Signature Moment (21/25): Steve Rogers is such a fixture in the MCU, it’s hard to choose a signature moment for him. I’m going to go with the moment at the end of The First Avenger when he crashed his plane into an iceberg to save the world. It’s a truly selfless moment and sums up Steve very well.
Style Points (14/15): Captain America is incredibly fast and strong, and he’s not afraid to show it off. We see him make some wild jumps and displays of strength, and he makes it look easy every time.
Looks/Uniform (9/10): Chris Evans is easy on the eyes, and his beard/longer hair look in Infinity War was great. For the most part, his uniforms have been great. However, I’m taking a point off for his suit in The Avengers, because hoooooo boy was that thing trash.
4. Thor
Appears In:Thor, The Avengers, Thor: The Dark World, Avengers: Age of Ultron, Thor: Ragnarok, Avengers: Infinity War
Ability (25/25): Thor can kick some serious ass. He’s the only person strong enough to wield his hammer, Mjolnir, or his axe, Stormbreaker. He can also summon lightning whenever he wants and he came within inches of killing Thanos, something none of the other Avengers could do.
Personality (18/25): Although his character has been redeemed in Ragnarok and Infinity War, Thor loses points because he starts off as a pretty weak character in the MCU. He’s arrogant and talks like it’s a Shakespeare play.
Signature Moment (23/25): I was going to put Thor’s arrival on Wakanda/his near-defeat of Thanos here, but I decided to choose a moment from a movie where he won the fight. The use of Led Zeppelin’s Immigrant Song is perfect, and it’s so cool to see Thor kill a bunch of enemies without the use of his hammer.
Style Points (15/15): See above clip.
Looks/Uniform (9/10): His uniform isn’t my favorite, but Chris Hemsworth can make any look work. Marvel took a solid minute out of its most important movie ever to show a scene of the Guardians of the Galaxy ogling a passed-out Thor. Speaking of the Guardians…
3. Guardians of the Galaxy
Appears In:Guardians of the Galaxy, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, Avengers: Infinity War
Ability (23/25): When they worked together, the Guardians were able to hold an Infinity Stone, something we’ve only seen Thanos do in the MCU. They also showed they could hold their own with the Avengers during the scene in Infinity War where both groups arrive on Titan at the same time.
Personality (24/25): The Guardians have such a great dynamic. There’s Peter Quill (swaggering manchild), Rocket Raccoon (genetically engineered streetwise Macgyver-ish raccoon), Gamora (deadly serious assassin/Thanos’ daughter), Drax (hilariously gullible strong guy), and Groot (selfless talking tree-person). Oh, and Mantis (bug-person who can sense people’s emotions). All of them play off of each other incredibly well, which is a testament to writer/director James Gunn.
Signature Moment (22/25): The Guardians holding the Power stone to defeat Ronan was the cherry on top of what might be the best MCU movie. Shoutout to Quill for coming up with the perfect distraction to make that moment possible.
Style Points (14/15): The Guardians are all very creative individually. When they put their heads together (like we see a lot in Guardians Vol. 2), they’re nearly unstoppable (unless you’re Thanos, then they’re pretty stoppable).
Looks/Uniform (8/10): Looks-wise, the Guardians don’t stand out that much in the MCU. Drax is blue, Gamora is green, and Quill has a cool long coat. Besides that, I feel like the color palate of their movies does a lot of the heavy lifting for the team.
2. Captain Marvel
Appears In:Captain Marvel
Ability (25/25): Captain Marvel gets her powers from the Tesseract. She can fly, she’s super strong, and she has photon blasters for hands. She’s the most powerful Avenger, and she’s likely to end up being the key to beating Thanos in Endgame.
Personality (20/25): One of my main complaints about Captain Marvel was that even though we find out things about Carol Danvers, it felt like we never really got to know her all that well. She has a few good one-liners and Brie Larson turns in a solid acting performance, but as of now I can’t put her with the rest of the Avengers personality-wise.
*I couldn’t find a good clip of this on YouTube because the movie is still in theaters*
Signature Moment (23/25): Captain Marvel discovered the extent of her powers at the end of Captain Marvel. Ronan the Accuser tried to send ballistic alien missiles down to Earth in an attempt to steal the Tesseract, but Carol destroyed them all and sent Ronan into retirement until Thanos hired him in Guardians of the Galaxy.
Style Points (15/15): In Captain Marvel, Carol flew through space like a gymnast, doing flips and twirls and destroying spaceships with ease. She gets every style point possible.
Looks/Uniform (9/10): Captain Marvel’s space mohawk hairstyle thing is awesome. I like that her uniform can change colors as she sees fit, and Brie Larson has maybe the best scowl of any superhero I’ve seen.
1. Iron Man
Appears In:Iron Man, Iron Man 2, The Avengers, Iron Man 3, Avengers: Age of Ultron, Captain America: Civil War, Spider-Man: Homecoming, Avengers: Infinity War
Ability (19/25): Tony Stark’s superhero ability is his genius. It’s obviously impressive, but as far as the MCU goes, it’s not enough on its own to give him a ton of points for superhero ability.
Personality (24/25): Genius, Billionaire, Playboy, Philanthropist. Stark does it all. He loses a point for occasionally saying dumb things like “I have a plan. Attack.” and his unexplained triumph over PTSD in Iron Man 3.
Signature Moment (24/25): Stark saved New York at the end of The Avengers, flying a nuclear bomb into a wormhole to defeat the Chitauri army. It was the high point to an iconic movie, and it pushed the MCU all the way into its second phase.
Style Points (15/15): Stark is nothing if not a showman. From the creative ways he puts the suit on to his crazy maneuvers while he’s flying through the air, Iron Man gets all of the style points.
Looks/Uniform (10/10): The Iron Man suit has become iconic because of the MCU’s iteration of the character. It always seems to have what it takes to save Tony, and I love all the different things we’ve seen the suit do through the years.
…
And that’s that! Very excited to see what’s in store for Avengers: Endgame. If you liked this, then good, because I’m planning on doing some other Avengers-related blogs before the release of Endgame. Catch ya on the flippity flip.
After a year-and-a-half long hiatus, ‘Game of Thrones’ makes its long-awaited return to HBO this Sunday for its final season. The TV powerhouse’s showrunners, David Benioff and D.B. Weiss, partnered with Netflix to create a 50-song playlist to go along with the show’s final season. Benioff and Weiss went so far as to say, “The answer to the ending of the show is one hundred percent hidden in the playlist choices. No one will believe us, but it’s true.”
That quote could mean any number of things. With a show this big, I doubt they would give away the answer in any obvious way, so that tells me it’s probably some random line in one of these songs that contains the answer. Since I don’t have the time to sit and analyze every lyric to a 50-song playlist, I’m going to look at the title of every song, assign it to a character (or multiple characters, since some songs have pretty broad titles) and see who comes out on top.
The Rules: I took 15 characters that are still standing on the show and assigned the appropriate songs to them. The more songs that can apply to them, the higher up on the list they go. Songs that apply to everyone (pretty much just the ones about war) count for half a song. Let’s do this thing.
15. Beric Dondarrion
Lord Beric, aka “The Guy with the Eyepatch and the Flaming Sword Who Keeps Getting Resurrected,” is not at all likely to end up on the Iron Throne. The song on the playlist that made him come to mind is “Let Me Live / Let Me Die” by Des Rocs, since he’s one of the few characters on the show to do both.
14 & 13. Tormund Giantsbane & Davos Seaworth
Davos and Tormund are both fan favorites and allies of Jon Snow. The song that reminded me of them was “War Pigs” by Black Sabbath, since they’re both military figures in the show that, in all likelihood, won’t end up as king of Westeros.
12. Missandei
Missandei is Daenerys Targaryen’s translator and personal assistant of sorts. I have no idea what “Flugufrelsarinn” (song by Sigur Ros) means, but she could probably tell me.
11. Theon Greyjoy
Theon (AKA The Dickless Wonder), has four songs about him on the playlist, including “Wave of Mutilation” by Pixies (Ramsay Bolton mutilated the hell out of him, even though it was more constant rather than in waves).
10. The Hound
Sandor Clegane (AKA The Hound) is one of the most physically intimidating characters in the show. He has four songs on the playlist, including “Fire” by Barns Courtney (The Hound is deathly afraid of fire ever since his brother Gregor “The Mountain” Clegane put his face in a fire when they were children).
9. Tyrion Lannister
Tyrion, the silver-tongued Imp and the outcast of the Lannister family, has six songs on the list, including “Gold Lion” by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs (the lion is the symbol of House Lannister).
8. Jaime Lannister
Jaime is the leader of the Kingsguard (and an incestuous lover of his sister Cersei). He has seven songs on the playlist, including “Love is Blindness” by U2 (in the show’s first episode, he says “The things I do for love” before he pushes Bran out a window). Speaking of Bran…
7. Bran Stark
Bran has changed drastically throughout the course of the show, and he’s now taken the mantle of the Three-Eyed Raven. He has 11 songs on the playlist, including “Wolf Like Me” by TV On The Radio (the wolf is the symbol of House Stark).
6. Sansa Stark
Sansa, one of the most polarizing figures in the show*, has 12 songs on the playlist by my count, including “Sister” by Prince. She’s the most politically competent of the Stark children, and it wouldn’t surprise me to see her step into an advisory role to Jon or Dany in this season.
*by polarizing, I mean boring. Sansa has all the personality of a white crayon, and the only good argument her diehard fans have is that she’s now smarter than she was seven years ago.
5. Arya Stark
The Girl with Many Faces checks in with 13 songs, including “Dead Skin Mask” by Slayer. She’s tied with her half-brother/cousin Jon Snow and her sworn enemy Cersei Lannister for the third spot on the list.
4. Cersei Lannister
The queen regent (and baddest bitch in Game of Thrones) has 13 songs on the playlist, including “POWER” by Kanye West (she’s still technically the most powerful character in the show and she loves to show it off). She’s tied with Jon Snow and Arya Stark for the third spot on the list.
3. Jon Snow
After being named King in the North at the end of the show’s sixth season, Jon decided to bend the knee to Daenerys in season seven. He racked up 13 songs on this playlist, but “Sleep Now In The Fire” by Rage Against the Machine stood out to me because he slept in Daenerys’ fire, if you know what I mean.
2. The Night King
The Night King has overtaken Cersei and Euron as GoT’s main villain and as the dark horse candidate for winning the Iron Throne. I think 17 songs on the playlist go along with him, including “Winterlong” by Neil Young (Night King is trying to cause the longest winter in the history of the world).
1. Daenerys Targaryen
Based off these arbitrary rules based off a playlist that won’t be featured in the show, Daenerys is our queen. She has 19 songs on this playlist that I associated with her, including a lot about fire (e.g. “Fire” by Barnes Courtney), royalty (e.g. “Queen” by Perfume Genius), and dragons (“Her Black Wings” by Danzig). BEND THE KNEE!
The Phillies begin their most anticipated season in years tomorrow when they take on the Braves at Citizens Bank Park. They’ve made several all-star additions, the biggest of which is Bryce Harper (AKA Flowseidon AKA the $330 Million Man AKA Captain American Flag Arm Sleeve). To keep up, here are all the must-follows when it comes to the Fightin’ Phils:
Corey Seidman is an analyst and reporter for NBC Sports Philadelphia. His Twitter is full of cool, useful stats and facts about the Phillies:
If the Phillies do eventually end up with Bryce Harper, the average age of their starting lineup would be 27.9. Average age of the rotation 27.2. Would create quite the window to contend.
Come for the .gifs, stay for the fights with fans from other teams. Jones is a Phillies blogger for The Good Phight, an SB Nation subsidiary covering the Phillies. He makes high-quality .gifs of Phillies highlights, which make him a great follow for Phillies fans (except when his account is suspended for using MLB’s content without their express-written consent, because MLB apparently hates when people give them free publicity by sharing highlights of their games).
This is an account dedicated to the Phillies’ radio team, tweeting out the best quotes and one-liners from Scott Franzke, Larry Andersen, and the rotating cast of color guys that take over when LA has the day off.
LA – "Third time's a charm" Franzke – "Speaking of charm, welcome Larry Andersen to the booth"
The account also gives us a lot of funny Phillies memories and bits:
This press conference is gonna be the biggest thing to happen on top of the Phillies dugout since the Phanatic had to rescue some ladies from an overserved and grabby Santa pic.twitter.com/odV5Y8xziZ
Zoo With Roy is a bolg centered around Philadelphia sports, specifically the Phillies. The website was started so that the founder could go the the Philadelphia Zoo with Roy Halladay, a dream that came true in 2014:
BREAKING ZWR EXCLUSIVE: #Phillies sign FA OF B. Harper to 13 year contract. Harper was the formerly with the Washington Nationals. You heard it here first from your #1MostTrusted MLB source!!!
Will someone please give this man a job? Lawrence is a former Phillies reporter for the Daily News and PhillyVoice, the latter of which let him go after the 2017 season. Lawrence still provides a lot of good Phillies insight despite the fact that he’s no longer paid to cover the team.
There’s just so much wrong with this tweet. The Phillies have a *very recent history* of spending as much as anyone (2010-2014) and they did win a World Series in 2008 with a starting pitching staff with one All-Star caliber starter and no one pitcher making a whole lot of $$. https://t.co/wtuQqXV3Ol
Fake WIP Caller is a parody of the hot-takeish Philadelphia sports radio hosts and callers. He embodies everything you would want from some guy named Mike from Delco calling in with a point about Gabe Kapler.
This tweet is what changed Harper’s mind and you’ll never convince me otherwise https://t.co/2f0ssQG7xs
If you’re interested in following along with the 2008 World Champion Phillies while also following along with the 2019 World Champion Phillies, you’ve come to the right place with @2008Philz. The account gives updates on the 2008 team as they play each game, each year culminating with the night the Phillies won the World Series on October 29, 2008.
Parade pics all day today to celebrate the 2008 World Champions of Baseball. Send yours if you're out here. pic.twitter.com/FGwBF9tZGV
The Celtics have lost four straight since the All-Star break (which for everyone not named Kyrie or Jayson was a week vacation). They’ve also lost 6 of 8 since Rondo hit the Lakers game-winner on Jan 7. It seems that every game day I convince myself that this will be the game that they finally come together as a team and turn their dismal roster into the complete juggernaut that they were during their ECF run last spring.
After the loss to Chicago, I convinced myself that they were too distracted by Toronto coming up that they played like garbage to a 15-win team, but would turn it around when the bright national TV lights came on. After their blowout loss to Toronto, I convinced myself that they would turn it around against a hot Portland team given that they were just smoked on TNT the night before. Now, I am convincing myself that they’ll finally get their stuff together against the Wizards so that when the bright lights come on at the Toyota Center on Sunday, they won’t be caught napping (again).
Washington has been sneakily okay this year. The season started with an abysmal 8-14 start before December hit. Washington was surrounded by rumors about internal fighting and typical Wall/Beal trade rumors. Somehow, this team thought that they’d be contenders in the offseason with the acquisition of washed-up Dwight Howard, but that’s beside the point.
But Washington has turned it around. They’re only three games out of the 8 seed, and they’re not the dumpster fire I expected to see this season. They’ve had their struggles this season but still have either competed with or beaten teams like Indiana, Toronto, Sacramento, and Boston. They still have one of the best 2-guards in Bradley Beal and young pieces like Thomas Bryant and Jordan McRae. Washington may not give the same fight that they did a couple years ago in the playoffs, but they’re no Chicago.
When the C’s played Washington in mid-December, the same problems they have now were prevalent. They weren’t together, there were always postgame comments that made headlines, and I was similarly hoping that they’d turn a corner and sing Kumbaya. Well, as usual, they played down to their competition squeezing by Washington with a 5-point OT victory fueled by Irving (38p/7a) and Morris (27p/9r/2a).
If the Celtics want any part of Brooklyn (the current 6 seed in the East) instead of Philly (4 seed), they’d better get a move on before it’s too late. Losing 5 straight and 7 out of 9 going into Houston on Sunday and then GSW on Tuesday is not where I want to be.
As for me, I’ll be drowning myself in Jae Crowder and Kevin McHale fights until tipoff tonight.
According to multiple reports, free agent outfielder Bryce Harper is finalizing a 13-year deal with the Phillies worth $330 million. https://t.co/fuyep5KNIn
Just when it seemed all hope was lost for the Bryce Harper-to-Philadelphia train, Jon Heyman breaks the news that Harper agreed to a 13-year, $330 million deal to come to the Phillies. No opt-out clause or anything. It’s the largest contract in American sports history ($5 million more than Giancarlo Stanton’s deal with the Yankees). All of the years off of my life that I lost stressing over whether or not Harper would sign with the Phillies have been tacked back on.
Look at this potential lineup!
Discussed this with @CSeidmanNBCS this morning.. one potential Phillies lineup with Harper.
2B C. Hernandez RF B. Harper SS J. Segura 1B R. Hoskins C J.T. Realmuto LF A, McCutchen 3B M. Franco CF O. Herrera P A. Nola
That is the lineup of a team that can make a run at the World Series. Gone are the days of Carlos Santana grounding out into the same shift every at-bat and Rhys Hoskins booting balls in the outfield because he was forced to play out of position. No longer do we have to watch Scott Kingery step up to the plate and pee his pants four times a game (now we only have to see that when Kingery pinch hits for Hernandez, Segura or Franco). Barring some wildly unfortunate event, we won’t have to see Jimmy Paredes in a Phillies uniform ever again, let alone in the third spot in the lineup. What a time to be a Philadelphia sports fan.
Now, if you’ll all excuse me, I’m going to go delete all my slanderous Bryce Harper tweets from his time with the Nationals and then have one (1) beer to celebrate.
What the hell am I watching? For about a full calendar year we have been seeing the headlines out of ESPN, FS1, and other (somewhat) reliable sources guaranteeing that the Boston Celtics will without a doubt be either the 1 or 2 seed in the Eastern Conference. Now sitting TEN AND A HALF GAMES (good God I had not looked at the standings before writing this) this team is the most disappointing team of the NBA season without a doubt (unless you actually thought that LAL would make noise which like… seriously?).
Now I know what you’re thinking: “Oh Will, poor you! Watching both the Sox and Pats win their respective championships must be soooo hard when the Celtics are playing under par.” You know what I say to that? I’ve been standing by this team since they got Garnett and Allen, watching Kendrick Perkins injure himself in Game 6 of the Finals in 2010 and crying my eyes out after they lost to the ‘Melo Knicks in 2012 knowing full well they were going to deal Pierce and Garnett in the offseason. Then still paying attention to the performances of players like Phil Pressey and Brandon Bass during the overhaul years on 2013-16. The Celtics have been the one thing that keeps me out of a deep dark depression when the awful New England winter comes ’round so I don’t want to hear it.
Since February 1st, their only wins are against NYK/OKC/CLE/PHI/DET. With respect to Tommy and all of Sixers nation, their only respectable win is against OKC. The Celtics (and Al Horford) own Philly and no matter the number of times I got jeered at about SBLI at the Wells Fargo Center, it doesn’t change the fact that the Celtics have won 17 of the last 19 regular season meetings between these two franchises. All the rest of those wins are games you should be checking off the calendar in September.
Meanwhile, they have lost to LAL/LAC/MIL/CHI/TOR and now Portland since the beginning of the month. To make things worse, they are 0-4 since the All-Star break, giving them the largest losing streak in the league. They came out of the break against Milwaukee who won in a thriller. They then had a gimme game in Chicago before their Tuesday Player’s Only TNT game against Toronto. They came out of the gate playing well in the first before laying an egg in the second quarter leading to a 64-51 halftime deficit. Their offense wasn’t the problem but instead, their defense just could not stop Zach LaVine and Lauri Markkanen who scored 42 and 35/15 respectively.
At this point, I had given up on the season.
Then came the Toronto game. While I did not expect them to win, I had been to the game in Boston when Kyrie took over in the 4th quarter, so I kind of wanted it to be at least competitive like Milwaukee had been.
This want was less than satisfied. I left my apartment to go to my intramural volleyball game at the end of the first quarter with the Celtics leading 32-30 – dismal defense but I’d take a competitive game. After I got out a half hour later, the Raptors were up 66-45 at the half. Shocker. No player had a worse game than Kyrie Irving.
Irving, the self-proclaimed leader of the team, was the beginning of the problem. On too many occasions he was forcing shots against good defense and then not hustling back on defense leaving a layup for the taking. But hey, no team will beat them if he’s on the team!
During this latest Portland loss when the C’s played with absolutely no heart and no chemistry whatsoever, the ESPN announcers were nice enough to kick me while I was down with what seemed like endless comments about how this team played as if they don’t like each other. Thank you, Dorris Burke. I know. Dear Celtics, for the love of God, figure it out.
Phillies fans like myself have had their eyes set on the 2018-19 offseason for a long time. Two of the MLB’s biggest young stars, Bryce Harper and Manny Machado, were both set to hit the open market at the age of 26. At the beginning of the offseason, Phillies owner John Middleton said that the team was prepared to spend a lot of money and “be a little stupid” – a term that looks like it could come back to haunt the Phillies if they don’t wind up signing either player. Machado signed a monster 10-year, $300 million deal with the San Diego Padres, so now the baseball world’s collective attention has turned toward Harper.
There have been a ton of different rumors regarding the Phillies’ relationship with Harper throughout the sweepstakes. The Phillies have been gambling favorites to sign Harper at varying points during the offseason, some people thought Harper took a private jet from his hometown of Las Vegas to the Phillies’ spring training camp in Clearwater, FL, and the Phillies are giving away American flag-themed arm sleeves (like the one that Harper wore during last year’s Home Run Derby) at a game during May. Middleton also spent this past weekend in Vegas, presumably talking to Harper and his agent, Scott Boras. So far, these rumors have resulted in pretty much nothing.
These rumors flying around everywhere have caused my trust in national reporters like Jon Heyman to plummet. Before the soap opera of this offseason, I knew Heyman as the guy with his bitmoji as his Twitter profile picture who sometimes got retweeted by the MLB and freaked out every time @OldTakesExposed pointed out one of his incorrect takes. Now I know him as Scott Boras’ puppet, tweeting about Harper’s suitors (including mystery teams) every time Boras needs a negotiating chip. Heyman has tweeted out a variation of the same *air quotes* “report” regarding Harper every day for what feels like a million straight days. Okay, that’s an exaggeration, but he did tweet out the same thing with slightly tweaked wording nine times in one week. Seriously.
The latest big rumor is that the Dodgers are back in on Harper, trying to coax him with a short-term, high AAV deal that he said he wouldn’t go for at the start of the offseason. These rumors are starting to become white noise to me at this point. All I ask is that Harper signs somewhere, anywhere, soon. It’s March, Bryce. I need to know whether I can crown the Phillies as World Series champions yet, or if I need to find a way to spin the narrative to convince myself that the team’s just playing the long game and waiting to sign Mike Trout when his contract with the Angels is up.
(Side note before we get started here: I had never seen this music video before I clicked on it to put in this post. I’m alone in my room right now, and when Travis entered on a horse I confusedly said “What??” to no one at all. It got weirder from there.)
So in case you didn’t watch or have already forgotten Sunday’s Super Bowl halftime show (which is entirely possible, because zzzzzzzzz), a Spongebob Squarepants ‘Sweet Victory’ lead-in turned into a poorly animated comet going through the stadium, which turned into Scott starting his first verse on ‘Sicko Mode.’ The song is Scott’s most popular yet, reaching number 1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 in December and becoming a meme of sorts in conjunction with Sheck Wes’ ‘Mo Bamba,’ both of which were highjacked by white college dudes looking to get hype with their bros.
This got me thinking about other songs that have been run into the ground over the years. There are certain songs that, while great, have been run into the ground over time by ballpark DJs, radio hosts, and bros in pastel shorts with the aux cord. I did some contemplation and came up with the Top 5 Most Tired* Songs of All Time:
*I don’t think any of these songs are bad. As a matter of fact, most of them are,,,actually good. I’ve simply heard them (and continue to hear them) so much that I have fatigue when it comes to each one. I’m sure if I could take a few months off of hearing all of these songs and then heard them again, I wouldn’t feel the same way toward them.
*I also didn’t include songs that got run into the ground and then went away over the years, like the Plain White T’s ‘Hey There Delilah’ or Robin Thicke’s ‘Blurred Lines.’
5. Billy Joel – Piano Man
This song lands in the top 5 for several reasons. I think what bothers me the most is that it’s not even close to being Billy Joel’s best song. Also, it’s one of those songs that makes people want to put their arms around each other and sway, which is a no-go for me because I generally don’t like being touched. However, it’s not as tired as the rest of the songs on the list.
4. Mariah Carey – All I Want for Christmas is You
Ordinarily, I wouldn’t include a Christmas song on this list because they only have a limited run throughout the year and so they have an excuse to get played a million times. But this is no ordinary Christmas song. People (especially white girls) play this song all year round, and I am officially tired of it as of Christmas 2017.
3. Bon Jovi – Livin’ on a Prayer
This is the worst song of the five on this list, IMO. This is a lot of people’s go-to karaoke song, which I don’t really understand because it’s difficult to sing and also way overdone. Also a big favorite of stadium DJs trying to pump up the crowd during a boring regular season game in any sport.
2. Neil Diamond – Sweet Caroline
Although it’s popular pretty much everywhere, this song is another favorite of stadium DJs, becoming a staple at Boston Red Sox and Penn State football games. It’s catchy and easy to sing along to (including the instrumental), but I’ve heard it played so much that I’ve become numb to it. ‘Sweet Caroline’ almost took the top spot on the list, but it got squeezed out by…
1. Journey – Don’t Stop Believin’
The cream of the crop when it comes to songs that have been run into the ground, through the Earth’s crust and into the upper mantle, is ‘Don’t Stop Believin’.’ This song experienced a resurgence with the 2005 World Series champion Chicago White Sox, who used it as the team’s anthem throughout their championship run, and hasn’t slowed down in the decade and a half since. People love to scream-sing it and play air guitar to the solos. It’s a good song, but goodness gracious if I hear it one more time my head might explode.
Well, that’s it for me here. Want to tell me how correct I am and absolutely nothing else? Tweet at me or comment below!
ReJoyce 