ReJoyce

Every summer, Woj, Shams, and the rest of the NBA take years off my life by suddenly shifting the whole landscape of the league in a matter of minutes. In no other league do you see this insane amount of superstar players changing teams so frequently. In fact, some leagues may think of players who are not on one or two teams for their entire career as “problems”.

I pray for the day that the NFL, MLB, and NHL have players tampering like it’s nothing and teaming up mere seconds into free agency. I’d kill to see DeAndre Hopkins miraculously find his way to New England so he can finally win a ring. I’d love to see Mike Trout realize that he will never win in an Angels uniform and stroll across town to the Dodgers. That being said, none of these leagues have close to the amount of drama that the NBA has.

Atlanta Hawks

Major Additions:
Jabari Parker
Chandler Parsons
Evan Turner
Allen Crabbe
Cam Reddish
D’Andre Hunter
Bruno Fernando

Major Losses:
Omari Spellman
Solomon Hill
Miles Plumlee
Kent Bazemore

Grade:

The Hawks are in full rebuild trading out quality pieces for garbage contracts and young potentially cornerstone. Their two major draft pieces, Hunter and Reddish, should fit well into an already young system that features Trae Young, John Collins, and Kevin Huerter.
For the life of me I cannot figure out why the Parker signing makes sense. Teams with SF/PF depth that includes Hunter, Reddish, and Collins should stay pat and develop those players. Signing a player who is more bust than baller at this point in his career just to eat minutes that that forward trio should be eating up boggles my mind slightly. That being said, he might become a valuable trade asset come the deadline. The Hawks should be selling HARD during that time, and I fully expect Parker to be on a plane out of ATL come February 7th.
All in all, the Hawks are on the road to success. Every team has to go through a rough rebuild before being contenders in the NBA.

Boston Celtics

Major Additions:
Kemba Walker
Enes Kanter
Grant Williams
Romeo Langford
Vincent Poirier
Carsen Edwards
Tacko Fall***

*** – God I hope so

Major Losses
Kyrie Irving
Al Horford
Aron Baynes
Marcus Morris
Terry Rozier

The Celtics’ offseason has been “ehh” in my eyes. They stayed somewhat relevant by signing Kemba Walker who I want to make very clear is a downgrade from a talent perspective from Kyrie. They lost Horford but signed Kanter who is a liability on defense and a force on offense. I see the Celtics in the NBA’s purgatory right now. They have the potential to be a top-6 Eastern Conference team, but they are far from title contenders what with Philly and Milwaukee still loaded in the East. The one wild card that could shape up to be a catalyst for the Celtics is Gordon Hayward. Last year he was without a doubt a shell of himself. He would explode for 30 against Minnesota, but then shrivel back to 6p/3r/2a per game for weeks on end. If he makes strides in the offseason to be even 85% of Utah Hayward, a starting lineup of Kemba/Brown/Hayward/Tatum/Timelord may be a 3 or 4 seed in the East.

Sidenote: losing Horford to the Sixers is absolutely killer. This is the move that made me want to die this year.

Brooklyn Nets

Major Additions
Kevin Durant
Kyrie Irving
DeAndre Jordan
Wilson Chandler
Garrett Temple
Taurean Prince

Major Losses
DeAngelo Russell
DeMarre Carroll
Ed Davis
Jared Dudley
Rondae Hollis-Jefferson

I think I heard Ben Simmons let out a sigh of relief when his father Jared Dudley move across the country to LA. On a serious note though, this offseason could not have gotten much better for the Knicks’ little brother. The slide in and swipe the Knicks’ free agent targets, get underrated players in Jordan, Chandler, and Temple, and have the makings of a title contender once KD gets back on the court. This year becomes a bit of a wash as they lose him to an Achilles recovery, but even so, a team of Kyrie, DeAndre Jordan, and Caris Levert/Joe Harris/Jarrett Allen has a chance to make some serious noise. Understand that this is contingent on Kyrie not making a dumpster fire of the locker room, but the Nets could be Eastern Conference Champs if they play their cards right. From a talent perspective, they are one of the top 3 teams in the East without question, but they could implode quickly if Kyrie decides to make it his show.

Charlotte Hornets

Major Additions:
Terry Rozier
PJ Washington
Cody Martin

Major Losses:
Kemba Walker
Tony Parker
Jeremy Lamb
Frank Kaminsky

The Hornets have a really bad habit of giving undeserving players huge contracts. In his eight year career with the Hornets, Kemba Walker earned $58 million dollars. They then sign Terry Rozier to 3 years, $58 million. There is a reason that UNC and Duke dominate ratings in the Carolinas – the Hornets try their very hardest to be garbage every year. I believe that Terry is a starting PG in the NBA. That being said, give him a little tryout at like $10-12 mil per season before committing $58 million to a player who scored 9 points per game last year. The Hornets salary projections are embarrassing: $19m/year for Terry, $25/year for Batum, $17/year for Biyombo – the list goes on. Until MJ stops giving out exuberant contracts, the Hornets will continue to be the cute team who wins 32 games, gives some teams a hard time, but can’t compete at the end of the day.

Chicago Bulls

Major Additions:
Coby White
Daniel Gafford
Tomas Satoransky
Thaddeus Young

Major Losses:
Robin Lopez

Well folks, it’s happening. The Chicago Bulls finally have the PG they’ve been waiting for. With a depth chart that already features Lauri Markkanen, Zach LaVine, and Wendell Carter Jr., this team was STARVING for a point guard to run the show. White kind of came out of no where during the NCAA season this year. The real players on UNC to watch coming into the season was Nassir Little and Seventh Woods. I was very surprised when Cam Johnson and Coby White stole the show when the season started. White’s transition to the NBA should be fun to watch. Much like the Hawks, I think the Bulls are a really fun team to watch. They have young players who like to run around, some older vets to guide Lauri and White to stardom, and even one contract that should come off the books in February when the Bulls (should) shop Otto Porter and his $27 mil per year. Who knows, maybe they’ll even make a push for the playoffs.

Cleveland Cavaliers

Major Additions:
Darius Garland
Dylan Windler
Kevin Porter Jr

Major Losses:
JR Smith (Addition by subtraction to be honest)

The Cavs more or less stayed the course in their second post-LeBron era in recent memory. They drafter Vandy PG Darius Garland who had been hurt most of this past season, which surprised many people including myself. My guess is that they will try to have a backcourt of Garland and Sexton in the future, building a GSW/POR-like foundation to their team. One thing they MUST do is trade Kevin Love. With the team clearly trying to break it down to build it up, Love is only taking valuable minutes from developing players and filling box scores on an uncompetitive team. I think that sending him to a team like Dallas, Portland, or any backcourt-rich team pushing for playoff contention when the deadline comes around should be their move. With the wealth of picks that Sam Presti just received for Russ and PG, teams are showing that they are more than ready to part with their picks if it means real talent.

Dallas Mavericks

Major Additions:
Delon Wright
Seth Curry
Boban Marjonovic

Major Losses:
Trey Burke

Another team mostly staying pat in free agency was the Mavs. They are gaining a healthy Porzingis back which will call attention to the on-court relationship between Luka and Kristaps. The clear number 3 option on this team is Tim Hardaway Jr. who in my opinion could be a trade piece if Mark Cuban doesn’t think that they are close to competing quite yet. The Mavericks unfortunately suffer from being in the Western Conference. In the East, they could be a top 5 seed easily. However, with a crowded top tier of Western teams (LAL, GSW, LAC, HOU, POR, UTA), the number of playoff spots up for grabs is slim pickings, and you aren’t promised five games nevermind a chance at the second round if you are a 7 or 8 seed in that mix. Things are definitely looking up in Dallas in the post-Dirk era, but they are for sure needing help in the trade market if they want to make noise come April.

Denver Nuggets

Major Additions:
Jerami Grant

Major Losses:
Isaiah Thomas
Trey Lyles

The incumbent number 2 seed in the West has a lot of work to do if they want to retain their success. With seemingly every team around them getting better in the offseason, they have even larger roadblocks in their way when the season comes around. I think that the front office saw these moves and realized that they could not let Paul Millsap go, though I do not think he is worth the $25+mil per year they are paying him once they picked up his option. I am also looking forward to seeing what Michael Porter Jr. is when the season starts. I think many people are on the fence between role player and superstar, and not to put pressure on the kid, but he may be the “addition” to the depth chart that this team needs in order to compete in a loaded top half of the conference. The addition of Jerami Grant after the OKC rebuild took off was another addition I really like. Having a second unit of Monte Morris, Malik Beasley, Will Barton/MPJ, Grant, and Mason Plumlee is not bad at all. Not many teams have trouble deciding who their 11th man off the bench will be, nevermind have an 11 man rotation.

Detroit Pistons

Major Additions
Derrick Rose
Markieff Morris
Tim Frazier
Sekou Doumbouya

Major Losses
Zaza Pachulia
Jose Calderon
Wayne Ellington
Ish Smith
Glenn Robinson

I really think the NBA is more fun when the Pistons are good. I just love to hate reading “DET on 10-2 run” and hearing “DETROIT BASKETBALL” ringing in my ears. By no means does that mean that I think the Pistons will be near the early to mid 2000s level of success, but I think they’ll beat out teams like Orlando for playoff seeding this year. Adding a bonafide point like Rose is something this team needed. I was a firm believer in the Boston College product Reggie Jackson when he was in OKC, but ever since he was traded, I think he’s a ball hogging bum who can’t make 40% from the field if the rim was the size of a swimming pool. I think Rose will flourish in this system. Ever since he left Chicago, he has proven that he can play a little off the ball, and if DET wants to play through Blake and let him take the ball up oftentimes like last year, Rose will have a great year.
I won’t lie, I don’t know anything about Doumbouya except he is lanky and fun to play with in my 2K franchise.

Golden State Warriors

Major Additions
DeAngelo Russell
Glenn Robinson
Willie Cauley-Stein
Omari Spellman
Shabazz Napier
Jordan Poole

Major Losses
Kevin Durant
Shaun Livingston
Jordan Bell
Andre Iguodala
Quinn Cook
Demarcus Cousins
Jonas Jerebko

I’ll keep this quick because I was very excited for the Warriors/Lebron era to be over, but it does not seem to be coming to a close as quickly as I’d hoped. I hate that they’re still good. I hate that they lose KD, but get Russell. They won’t be as good for sure, but they’ll still be a playoff team that could push for the conference finals. One thing we can say on July 18th is that we have no idea what teams will be in the Finals from either conference. My favorites are the Clippers and Philly, but I’m not confident enough to bet on it.

Houston Rockets

Major Additions
Russell Westbrook
Chris Clemons
Deyonta Davis

Major Losses
Chris Paul
Kenneth Faried
Nene

The West is f’ing loaded I swear. Move after move made me question Danny Ainge and want to whine like a kid after Christmas vacation when he finds out that his friend got a cool new toy and he didn’t. After rumors of a highly dysfunctional locker room and even more drama between Harden and CP3, Daryl Morey made his choice clear – ride or die with Harden at the wheel. There is definitely a debate to be had on whether two VERY ball-dominant guards will be able to coexist, and I hate the crap saying “Oh well they were able to play together in Oklahoma City”. Dude that was years ago and they’ve both come into their own. Harden wasn’t putting up 50-point triple doubles in OKC and Westbrook wasn’t AVERAGING a triple double for two years when Harden and Durant were there.
It will be interesting to see how their games meld back together after a couple years of being apart. I personally am hoping for a dumpster fire, but to each their own.

Indiana Pacers

Major Additions
Malcolm Brogdon
Jeremy Lamb
TJ Warren
Goga Bitadze

Major Losses
Darren Collison
Tyreke Evans
Thaddeus Young
Bojan Bogdanovic
Wesley Matthews
Kyle O’Quinn
Cory Joseph

The Pacers were very active in their offseason so far. They snagged Brogdon from the Bucks, traded draft rights and cash to Phoenix for TJ Warren, and signed a quality backup SG in Jeremy Lamb. Hats off really! After an embarrassingly bad sweep to Boston in the playoffs, Larry Legend has reloaded and is ready for another conference finals run.

Los Angeles Clippers

Major Additions
Paul George
Kawhi Leonard
Rodney McGruder

Major Losses
Danilo Gallinari
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander

The Clippers and Nets were without a doubt the runaway winners of NBA free agency this year. In the Kawhi Leonard sweepstakes, the Lakers and Raptors were rumored to be the favorites in the days leading up to the Woj bomb. In the regular season, the Clippers were rumored to be the favorites as no one really knew if Kawhi wanted to go to LeBron’s team and be the #2. However, two back to back Woj bombs first named the Clippers as the destination for Kawhi Leonard, and then minutes later announced that the Thunder were trading PG to LA for Shai, Gallinari, and FIVE (5) first-round draft picks.
Some people may think that five first round picks are a lot, especially from what we saw out of the Celtics-Nets trade for Piece, Garnett, and Jason Terry, but those three players were on the very last limbs of their primes. They were too old to carry a young Nets team to a championship. Kawhi and PG are different. They could own the league for years to come. Those two lockdown defenders paired with Pat Beverly and Montrezl Harrell should be the best defensive lineup in the league. I can’t wait to see how they play.

Los Angeles Lakers

Major Additions
Anthony Davis
DeMarcus Cousins
Quinn Cook
Avery Bradley
Jared Dudley
Troy Daniels

Major Losses
Lonzo Ball
Brandon Ingram
Josh Hart
Jaxson Hayes (Picked with their #4 pick traded to NOP)

Ugh. Fine, they had a good offseason. This lineup is made to win now and nothing else. The Clippers at least are somewhat built for the future with Shamet, Jerome Robinson, and Harrell. Their cross-city counterparts however have players in their prime or coming out of their prime. They definitely need more star-level talent in the backcourt as I doubt Quinn Cook, Rondo, and Avery Bradley will be able to balance out a frontcourt of Lebron, AD, and Cousins. I won’t lie – I hope this team becomes a dumpster fire and fails to crack a top-5 seed in the West. Every analyst last year at this time had the Lakers as a Western Conference Finals team, and they failed to even make the playoffs.
This year, I think they can make the Finals. I hope they don’t, but they could win it all if they play together. I think the main factor in a Lebron-led team at this point in his career is chemistry. You could watch one quarter of a 2018-19 Lakers game and see the lack of chemistry that they had. Even the Cavs a couple years ago didn’t really play together and thrived only because Lebron carried them to the Finals against a weak Eastern Conference. I’d like the Lakers to make the playoffs and get beaten by a young fun team like Dallas.

Memphis Grizzlies

Major Additions
Ja Morant
Tyus Jones
Josh Jackson
De’Anthony Melton
Brandon Clarke
Jae Crowder
Darius Bazley

Major Losses
Jevon Carter
Chandler Parsons
Avery Bradley

*Clap Clap Clap* What a great under-the-radar offseason for a rebuilding team. The additions of Morant, Clarke, and Josh Jackson are key for Memphis who are officially past the Conley-Gasol-Randolph era. We knew that the Conley trade was coming, but that the payoff wouldn’t match the talent exactly simply because his contract is so immense. However, a trade including a key role player in Crowder, and a potential NBA starter in Bazley is pretty good! They should waive Grayson Allen ASAP, as he is just not mature enough to play in a professional setting (see fight with Grant Williams in summer league). Add in the waived contract of Iguodala in a separate deal to clear up some future cap space, and the Grizzlies look very similar to the Hawks one or two years ago. It wouldn’t surprise me to see those two teams be very relevant in two or three years.
Another trade that they totally won was the Josh Jackson trade. I know he is a bit of a project and rumored to be a headcase too, but he showed huge potential at Kansas, and maybe Phoenix just wasn’t the place for him. Trading Korver and Jevon Carter is just fleecing the Suns if Jackson turns around and becomes even just a 17/7/5 guy in Memphis.

Miami Heat

Major Additions
Jimmy Butler
Tyler Herro
Meyers Leonard

Major Losses
Josh Richardson
Hassan Whiteside
Dwyane Wade
Ryan Anderson

After a disappointing end to a season in which the Heat were primarily the boat on which Dwyane Wade made his final rounds, they were also lowkey playoff contenders. They won 39 games and in the Eastern Conference, that isn’t the worst you can be. They finished in 10th place and were only two games out of the playoffs. Albeit if they did make the playoffs, I promise you they would not have been able to add Tyler Herro with the 13th pick in the draft.
This takes us into the summer in which they got rid of Goran Dragic’s aging contract and lost Josh Richardson, but added the best player the Heat have had since the LeBron era. Furthermore, if what we saw in summer league is anything close to reality, the heat struck gold with Herro at 13. He led the team in scoring and let his nuts hang a little lower with every step up three he sent through the net.

Milwaukee Bucks

Major Additions:
Kyle Korver
Luke Maye
Thanasis (Thanos) Antetokounmpo
Dragan Bender

Major Losses
Pau Gasol
Nikola Mirotic
Malcolm Brogdon

The Bucks should take advantage of a further weakened Eastern Conference even with the departures of Mirotic (Euroleague), Brogdon (Pacers), and Gasol (T-Blazers). They signed Thanos Antetokounmpo (he will be called THanos in my vocabulary until I learn how to say his name), gave Dragan Bender a second chance after Phoenix released his rights, and added the 10-year UNC veteran Luke Maye. Their one big move this offseason was resigning Khris Middleton, who was a legit number 2 to Giannis, but could have easily been a number one on a team like Detroit or been 1a, 1b to Butler in Miami. Whoever his suitors were, Middleton will be back with Milwaukee next season.
This team should be Finals or bust. I don’t see one team that they should be legitimately afraid of. Maybe Philly only because Horford is Giannis’ (and Embiid’s) biological father. But in that scenario, you have Josh Richardson guarding Middleton and Simmons (?) trying to guard Bledsoe. I don’t see a team outside of Philly or maybe Boston taking the Bucks to more than 5 games. Feed me LAC/MIL in the Finals for the lowest scoring series ever.

Minnesota Timberwolves

Major Additions
Jarrett Culver
Jake Layman
Jordan Bell
Naz Reid
Noah Vonleh

Major Losses
Derrick Rose
Anthony Tolliver
Tyus Jones
Luol Deng
Shabazz Napier

Another rough year is waiting for Minnesota and I hope KAT is having none of it. Ever since the Bennett pick a few years back, this front office has not proven once that they are serious about this team. I understand that Minnesota isn’t exactly the free agent destination that Miami or LA are, but at least throw your hat into the ring for somebody. They have Wiggins on the books for WAY more than he is worth, and just lost one of their best players from last season in Derrick Rose to Detroit. In a packed Western Conference, Minnesota will be in the fight for lottery positioning once again.
As for draft picks this year, I really like both of these pickups. I was surprised that Naz Reid wasn’t picked. He was one of the top two players for LSU this year and won me a couple bets for sure. I hope they throw Jarrett Culver into the starting lineup immediately as I think he is a great fit to play the 2/3 with Wiggins and Towns. In the East, a starting lineup of Teague, Culver/Okogie, Wiggins, RoCo, and Towns would be able to compete for the bottom half of the playoff teams, but not out West.

New Orleans Pelicans

Major Additions
Zion Williamson
Jaxson Hayes
JJ Reddick
Lonzo Ball
Brandon Ingram
Josh Hart
Derrick Favors

Major Losses
Anthony Davis

Firstly, losing AD sucks. Even though he has had one foot out the door for like 2 years, he is a generational player and a top 5 player in the league approaching the prime of his career. That being said, are we sure the Lakers won this trade? The Pelicans have added some foundational players in Zion, Ingram, and Lonzo Ball. Seven or eight of their players could start, and they are really young for the most part. David Griffin has this team pointed in the right direction for the first time since drafting Davis. That being said, they should be sellers at the deadline. Jrue Holiday is making way too much money for a rebuilding team, but he puts up numbers that teams like Utah or Indiana or maybe even Philly could be tempted to trade for in February. In return, the Pelicans should get draft picks, young talent, and/or aging (and CHEAP) vets. I won’t put my “Look out for this team” stamp on the Pelicans this year, but remind me again in a year to take a second look.

New York Knicks

Major Additions
RJ Barrett
Marcus Morris
Bobby Portis
Julius Randle
Reggie Bullock

Major Losses
Support of the fanbase
Emmanuel Mudiay
Noah Vonleh
Mario Hezonja
DeAndre Jordan

Yikes. After striking out in the lottery, Knicks fans were still confident that they would land TWO top free agents – and for good reason! The ownership was spouting off about this goldmine of an offseason for what seemed like 5 years. That idiot James Dolan was shoving the Kool-Aid down the gullets of Steven A. Smith and other diehard Knick fans forever. They will roll out a better overall roster than they had last year so I guess its a plus. Look for Morris and Portis to be trade pieces at the deadline, especially for teams like Dallas or Portland who may want some PF depth for the playoff push. The departure of Mudiay is quietly filled by another underperforming guard in Elfrid Payton, and the recently added should not be a trade piece in February. Rj Barrett was the number one prospect going into the college ball season this time last year, so don’t be too down Knick fans. See you next lottery.

Oklahoma City Thunder

Major Additions
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander
Danilo Gallinari
Chris Paul (for now)
Darius Bazley
Mike Muscala
Every LAC draft pick for the next 100 years

Major Losses
Russell Westbrook
Paul George
Jerami Grant
Markieff Morris
Patrick Patterson

Let the fire sale begin! After two back to back first round exits, the Thunder decided to say “Screw it let’s start over”. It clearly wasn’t working for PG/Russ in OKC. They were a fun regular season team, but always had issues in the playoffs. The return for both players was HUGE. One would think that after the Celtics fleeced the Nets for every pick for 25 years that the Clippers and Rockets would think twice before flipping all of their draft assets. Unfortunately, no one thought of this. They saw that the Warriors dynasty is coming to an end, and are looking to pounce on a trip to the Finals.
The Thunder now have a couple of tasks. First off they need to trade CP3 like yesterday. He takes up way too much cap on their team and for a club that isn’t contending anytime soon, get some young talent and even more draft picks in from Miami or even Orlando if they think they’re in contention in the East, and move on from the soon to be $40 million dollar senior citizen. Tank City in OKC right now and for the foreseeable future.

Orlando Magic

Major Additions
Al-Farouq Aminu
A mentally healthy Markelle Fultz

Major Losses
Jerian Grant
Timofey Mozgov

Pretty much no change for the Magic this offseason. There were rumors that Vucevic would go elsewhere in the East, but instead he returned to run it back in Orlando. This team made the playoffs for the first time in forever, and with a weak East, they could make the push to a 4/5 seed when all is said and done. Vucevic is a huge part of their offense with 20+points per game last year and Aaron Gordon fills out their front court beautifully. With any luck, Markelle Fultz will return to the deadly form we saw at Washington as reports are that he is making huge strides toward being a stud. Aminu adds some front court depth that they desperately need, as I don’t think that Mo Bamba is ready to be a 6th man nor a stretch 4/5 quite yet. This team is young as hell and they’re not going anywhere with the amount of quality rookie deals they have under contract for the next few years.

Philadelphia 76ers

Major Additions
Al Horford
Josh Richardson
Raul Neto
Kyle O’Quinn
Matisse Thybulle

Major Losses
Jimmy Butler
Boban Marjanovic
TJ McConnell
JJ Reddick

The Sixers backed up the Brinks truck more than they should have this offseason. I’m a huge Horford stan and I will stand by his side through thick and thin, but I do not think paying him $25 million at age 37 is great for your cap. Pee-Yew. That being said, he will be great this year and maybe next and I’m sure a Finals run will make every penny worth it to Sixers fans. The problem is that they have to get to the Finals. Furthermore, I think they paid Tobias Harris too much as well. 5 years and $180 for a top 50 player in the league? Pass. He averaged 18 points per game this year and is the 3rd best player on your team. I understand that other teams may have wanted to pay him exuberant amounts of money, but that is two stupidly high contracts that the Sixers have dished out this summer. Not much has changed in the talent development department for Philly. Simmons still can’t shoot, Embiid is still hurt for chunks of the offseason, and their rookies don’t get enough playing time for anyone to see what they really are. I fully expect them to make a leap to the 1/2 seed this year, but it wouldn’t shock me to see them lose in 5 to Milwaukee.

Phoenix Suns

Major Additions
Frank Kaminsky
Ricky Rubio
Cameron Johnson
Ty Jerome
Dario Saric
Cheick Diallo
Aron Baynes

Major Losses
Josh Jackson
De’Anthony Melton
Jamal Crawford
TJ Warren

How many years straight can the Suns smash that reset button? They traded away Josh Jackson which is understandable but the return for such a high-potential prospect wasn’t huge. I guess they finally got a respectable PG in Rubio, but I think he was more looking for a payday and the Suns were the only team willing to pay him that number. Their scoring options should be as followed: Booker, Ayton, Cam Johnson, Ty Jerome, literally nobody. These four players should have the bulk of their playmaking and while they will still stink in ’19-’20, the Suns have a respectable core that hopefully will pay off in the next couple of years.

Portland Trailblazers

Major Additions
Hassan Whiteside
Anthony Tolliver
Mario Hezonja
Nassir Little
Pau Gasol

Major Losses
Jake Layman
Al-Farouq Aminu
Enes Kanter
Evan Turner

Portland has locked up their backcourt for years to come. They are without a doubt in the top 3 most explosive backcourts in the league, and being that they’ve played together for so long, their chemistry is 1a and 1b with Steph and Klay. Ignoring Dame and CJ for a second, the Blazers have supplemented their frontcourt acquiring Whiteside for Leonard while Nurkic works his way back from his playoff injury. Small forward depth might be an issue with the Blazers because Jake Layman and Evan Turner left – that being said, Evan Turner left so his horrendous contract is finally off the books. Portland should be a top 4 seed in the playoffs this year. Year after year they’re disrespected by everyone because they’re a small market team. I think after getting to the WCF this year after beating two legit teams in the first two rounds (OKC and Denver respectively), they might finally have the respect they deserve. We all know how strong the West will be this year, but I’ll throw my money on Playoff Dame against anyone.

Sacramento Kings

Major Additions
Kyle Guy
Dewayne Dedmon
Trevor Ariza
Cory Joseph
Tyler Lydon

Major Losses
Willie Cauley-Stein
Alec Burks
Corey Brewer
Kosta Koufos

Damn it! Right when I thought that the Kings could get over the hump the West gets miles better and they’re back where they started. I thought that Fox and Marvin Bagley would make the playoffs last year, but they had a rough second half and failed to do so by a few games. That being said, I figured that the Kings would progress to a point this year where they would make the playoffs in the West and continue their climb towards contention. Unfortunately, the Lakers, Clippers, and Rockets got much better, the Nuggets, Warriors, Jazz, and Blazers are locked into playoff spots until I see otherwise, so really there’s only one spot up for grabs. The Kings, Mavs, and maybe the Pelicans will be the three teams I’ll watch to see who can rise into that 8-seed just to get plastered by the Clippers.

San Antonio Spurs

Major Additions
DeMarre Carroll
Keldon Johnson
Trey Lyles
Dedric Lawson

Major Losses
Donatas Montiejunas

Not much changed for the reigning 7-seed in the West. I think that they need some major overhaul to get anywhere close to title contention. I don’t think Pop will allow them to be sellers at the deadline, but with aging vets like Aldridge and DeRozan, buying teams (especially in the wide open Eastern conference) may give up young assets and draft capital to get some help for the playoff push. I don’t know how the contracts match up, but I’d love to see the Bucks go after DeRozan to replace what Mirotic gave them last year. Same with the Pacers with Bogdanovic. Adding Carroll kind of confused me unless they trade him away in February. Hopefully the Spurs face the music and go into full rebuild mode after being nothing short of dominant since the drafted Tim Duncan.

Toronto Raptors

Major Additions
Stanley Johnson
O’Shea Brissett
Cameron Payne
Rondae Hollis-Jefferson

Major Losses
Kawhi Leonard
Danny Green
Jeremy Lin

The 2019 NBA Champions are not in contention in the 2019-2020 season. I’m just stating facts. The loss of Kawhi Leonard is too great for this team to contend. They’ll make the playoffs and maybe win a series, but a team led by an injured Kyle Lowry and Pascal Siakam will not be a title contender. I hope they add a young piece, get Lowry’s contract off the books, and try to get Siakam some legitimate help. They’ll be back within a couple of years, but they should be sellers (of Lowry) in February.

Utah Jazz

Major Additions
Mike Conley
Bojan Bogdanovic
Emmanuel Mudiay
Ed Davis

Major Losses
Ricky Rubio
Jae Crowder
Kyle Korver
Darius Bazley (through draft rights)
Thabo Sefolosha
Derrick Favors

The Jazz have improved mightily since last season. They added a legit PG upgrade over Rubio in Conley, got a great scoring wing to accompany Donovan Mitchell in Bogdanovic, and got rid of “ehh” contracts with Crowder and Korver going to Memphis. While the Lakers, Clippers, and Warriors made a lot of noise (AD, Kawhi, D-Lo) this offseason, the Jazz quietly had a great summer. They honestly could sneak into the top 3 i the West and make it to the conference finals. I really don’t see the hype around the Lakers and maybe I’m biased (I’m very biased) but the Jazz could beat the Lakers in a 7-game series. I love small market teams (SAC, POR, UTA) making noise in the crowded West which is mostly dominated by large market teams like both LA teams, Houston, and Golden State. Go Jazz baby.

Washington Wizards

Major Additions
Isaiah Thomas
Ish Smith
Admiral Schofield
Rui Hachimura
CJ Miles
Davis Bertans
Moe Wagner

Major Losses
Bobby Portis
Jabari Parker
Sam Dekker
Jeff Green
Tomas Satoransky

There was a lot of turnover in the Wizards summer. They are adamant that they want to sign Beal to an extension, but smartly Beal is delaying until after the season to see where the team is headed. We don’t know if we’ll ever see John Wall on the court again for a significant stretch of basketball, leading me to believe that IT4 is the starting PG for the Wizards. As you may have picked up on, my opinion is that there are 4 types of NBA team: 1. Contender (Clippers), 2. Young team (Hawks), 3. Buyers (Celtics) or 4. Sellers who are in denial that they are sellers but damn it just sell and start over already (Wizards/Pistons). I don’t know why Washington sells their BS to fans every year only to go 35-47, miss the playoffs by 4 games, and get the 12th pick in every draft. We’ve seen the Sixers tank for years on end and now they’re the odds on favorite to win the Eastern conference. Hell, the Celtics even tanked for a few years there but quickly came back up thanks to the Brooklyn trade. Just sell your pieces to contenders, start young, and we’ll see you in 5 years.

Anyway, this took a lot longer than I expected. I’ll see you once I get drunk off Celtics Kool Aid at the start of training camp or when Smart, Tatum, Kemba, and JB are on the court at the same time during the FIBA Championships – whichever comes first.

I just wrapped up watching the newest collection of Jerry Seinfeld’s hit Netflix series Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. As the title implies, the show allows Seinfeld to chop it up with his favorite funny people while showing off his extensive knowledge of classic cars. Here are 20 comedians I’d like to see Seinfeld drive around whenever the next season of the show comes out (I was going to attempt to say what cars should be matched with each comedian, but then I realized I know nothing about cars):

1. Steve Carell: Carell (The Office, Anchorman, Crazy, Stupid Love) is a hilarious guy, and I’d love to hear his ridiculous laugh throughout an episode.
2. Tom Segura/Christina P: This married pair have a crackling chemistry on their podcast, “Your Mom’s House,” and their bizarre, somewhat gross sense of humor would clash with Seinfeld’s observational humor in a beautiful way.
3. Bert Kreischer: Kreischer (Bert the Conquerer, The Machine on Netflix) is one of the best onstage storytellers in the stand-up game right now, and I’d love to see a conversation between his wild stories and Seinfeld’s witty observations.
4. Joe Rogan: Rogan (The Joe Rogan Experience) is one of the best interviewers on the planet, and it’s rare to see him playing the role of the interviewee. Rogan would do well on Comedians in Cars because of the show’s conversational nature. Also, I’d love to hear Rogan ask Seinfeld if he’s ever done DMT.
5. Pete Holmes: Holmes (creator and star of HBO’s Crashing, host of TBS’s The Pete Holmes Show) is one of my favorite comedians, and his puppy-like sense of wonder contrasted by Seinfeld’s grounded cynicism would make for great TV.
6. Mark Normand: Normand, another one of my personal favorites (Comedy Central special Don’t Be Yourself), is wickedly sharp and Seinfeld recently cited him as the next big name in comedy. I’d love to hear them swap stories and discuss their favorite old-school comedians.
7. Hannibal Burress: Burress (The Eric Andre Show, Broad City) is a very funny guy and a great observational stand-up. It would be great to see him and Seinfeld riff with each other.
8. Bill Hader: Seinfeld loves a good impression, and Hader (a longtime SNL standout and the creator/star of HBO’s Barry) is among the best impressionists out there, and is always a great interview.
9. Nate Bargatze: Bargatze (Comedy Central’s Full-Time Magic, Netflix’s The Tennessee Kid) is a hilarious comedian with a gift for telling stories. The show lends itself to great stories, so Bargatze would be a natural.
10. Michelle Wolf: Wolf exploded as a comedian after everyone freaked out about her set at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner in 2018, and she and Seinfeld would have fascinating discussions about the craft of comedy.
11. Amy Poehler: Poehler (SNL, the star of Parks and Recreation, a bunch of movies) is a hilarious person. Her discussion with Seinfeld would be awesome (just like her friend Tina Fey’s episode of the show was).
12. Tim Robinson: After a sub-par run on SNL a few years back, Robinson exploded this year with the success of his Netflix sketch show, I Think You Should Leave. I’d love to see Seinfeld dig into his bizarre, hilarious mind.
13. Nathan Fielder: Fielder (creator and star of Comedy Central’s Nathan for You) is incredibly funny and dubbed by many as the King of Awkward Comedy. His dynamic with Seinfeld would be very entertaining (think a better version of the Comedians in Cars episode featuring Miranda Sings).
14. Mike Birbiglia: Birbiglia (Sleepwalk With Me, multiple specials on Netflix) has a conversational feel about him that would fit well within the show.
15. Anthony Jeselnik: Jeselnik (The Jeselnik Offensive, multiple Netflix specials, multiple Comedy Central Roasts) is the king of dark, deadpan humor. Also, he confirmed that Seinfeld doesn’t hate him, so why not?
16. Michael Che: I prefer Che over his SNL Weekend Update co-host Colin Jost. He and Seinfeld could swap showbiz stories for hours.
17. Jim Norton: Norton (The Jim and Sam Show on SiriusXM Channel 103, Multiple EPIX and Netflix specials) is brutally honest, which plays perfectly with Seinfeld. This would be a wildly entertaining episode with some great stories being thrown around.
18. Adam Sandler: Sandler (SNL, the Happy Madison Cinematic Universe, 100% Fresh on Netflix) is a very funny guy, and he always seems to have a new Chris Farley story up his sleeve, which would make this episode worth it on its own.
19. Ray Romano: Romano (Everybody Loves Raymond, The Big Sick) is a comedy veteran who, like Seinfeld, parlayed a rapid rise through the New York comedy scene into a wildly successful sitcom. A conversation between these two would be awesome. DEBRAAAAAAAAAAAA!
20. Ken Jeong: Jeong (The Hangover, Community) is a former doctor who decided to pursue a career in comedy. It worked out for him, because he’s a hilarious guy with a great delivery. Seinfeld would be endlessly entertained by him.

If you’re at all interested in comedy and you haven’t watched Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee, get on it as fast as possible. Seinfeld attracts a wide range of guests, from his personal favorites (Mel Brooks, Carl Reiner, Don Rickles), to his friends (Larry David, Garry Shandling), to the up-and-comers (Hasan Minhaj, Trevor Noah).

Disclaimer: If any of these guests appear on the next collection of episodes, then Seinfeld has to give me $100,000. It’s in writing, so this is legally binding.

^What it would look like if John Mayer and I hung out at a Bravo event

Last Monday night, I saw John Mayer at the Wells Fargo Center. HOOOOO BOY, did ol’ Johnny put on a show. Many of you know I’m a Mayer stan. He’s a world-class musician, he’s proven to have staying power over a nearly 20-year professional career, and his social media presence makes me jealous on a daily basis.

So anyway, as I was sitting and watching in awe as Mayer shredded, the thought popped into my head: “If I ever met John Mayer, what would I say?” I know it’s unlikely I ever run into him at, like, Target or something, but hey, it doesn’t hurt to have a plan in place.

Without further ado, here is every question I’d like to ask John Mayer:

1. How is Moose doing?
2. How many guitars do you bring on tour with you?
3. Given how much you change guitars mid-show, how many guitars would you say you play during an average show?
4. How much do you practice guitar outside of touring/shows?
5. Do you ever take a break from music after a long tour?
6. If you would play with any musician or band, dead or alive, that you haven’t play with, who would it be?
7. Do you ever get tired of playing any of your songs after touring for a while?
8. Is there any song of yours that you wish you got to play more on tour?
9. When writing a song with another artist, what is the creative process like?
10. Can you do a cartwheel?
11. What’s your favorite Grateful Dead song?
12. Were you nervous at first stepping into such a huge role in a cultural phenomenon like the Grateful Dead?
13. Have you ever gone out and experienced Shakedown Street for yourself before a Dead & Company show?
14. How do you go about selecting people for your band on tour?
15. Who’s been your favorite guest on Current Mood?
16. Speaking of Current Mood, what inspired the pants-out theorem?
17. When writing a new song, what comes first: lyrics or music?
18. Was there a moment where it struck you that you wanted to become a musician, or was that feeling always there?
19. What is your favorite song to cover? (My personal favorite)
20. What’s your favorite thing about Montana?
21. What does Pino Palladino smell like?
22. What do you do to kill time while on the road?
23. How did your PRS Guitar collaboration come about?
24. What’s your favorite pair of sneakers?
25. What’s the most underrated city in which you’ve performed?
26. What’s your favorite late-night talk show to perform on?
27. Do you watch TV? What’s your favorite show?
28. I know you’re busy with tour and all, but can you get back to tweeting more?
29. How many tattoos do you have?
30. What’s the process of designing tour merchandise like?
31. How long did it take your body to recover from doing Hot Ones?
32. Do you ever miss your 2013-era long hair?
33. Are you ever going to bring the hat back?
34. What song of yours took the longest to write?
35. What’s the craziest gift a fan ever gave you?
36. Who’s a personal hero of yours who you’ve met that lived up to your expectations, personality-wise?
37. Is there anyone you’re scared to meet because you don’t want to ruin your personal image of them for yourself?
38. When you write a song about someone, do you tell them about it before it’s released?
39. Can we expect any more new music from you soon?
40. Do you want to hang out with me?
41. Please?

What did you guys think of this? Should I write out the questions I have for other celebrities I like? Drop me a line.

What a win for the boys! The Sixers grabbed an early lead and never looked back, leading wire-to-wire behind a dominant performance by Joel Embiid. After nearly missing Game 2 with “The Shits,” Embiid finished with 33 points, 10 rebounds, 3 assists, and 5 blocks, making a huge impact on both ends of the court (especially when defending Marc Gasol and Pascal Siakim). Jimmy Butler was the team’s catalyst once again, going for 22, 9, and 9 while playing stout defense of his own. Ben Simmons managed to slow down Kawhi Leonard enough defensively that the Raptors were forced to rely on their other options, which has not gone well for them in the past two games (Leonard didn’t have a bad game by any stretch of the imagination, but he was forced to take some tough shots and defer to his teammates more than Toronto would like).

Brett Brown once again outcoached Nick Nurse, switching up his lineups and schemes to minimize defensive liabilities like JJ Redick (not to single out JJ, but his best defensive outings are the ones where you go “Oh wow, I didn’t really notice JJ on defense tonight”). The team also spread the ball around on offense, with each starter scoring in double figures. Brett catches a lot of heat for his mistakes, so I hope a lot of people give him credit for his great performance so far in this series.

I’m sure the Raptors are starting to really feel the pressure now. A close, ugly Game 2 loss can be written off as a fluke: it was the first time in his career that Leonard lost a game against the Sixers, and his supporting cast had a terrible performance. Tonight’s game was different, though: the Sixers came out, punched the Raptors in the mouth, and kept punching well after the bell had been rung. Game 4 is Sunday afternoon in Philadelphia, and you can bet that both the Sixers and their fans will come out with the same intensity that they brought tonight.

Sixers in 6. Angelo Cataldi can kiss my ass.

***Spoilers for Avengers: Endgame, obviously.***

In case you missed it, I made some predictions as to things that would happen in Avengers: Endgame. Despite being one of the most hotly anticipated movies ever, it managed to be relatively difficult to predict. Let’s take a look at just how wrong I was:

We’ll see Professor Hulk. In a new poster, we see the Hulk in what appears to be his final form. He looks more like Bruce Banner than he usually does in Hulk form, which likely means we’ll meet Professor Hulk, a comic book character who has the brains of Banner with the brawn of the Hulk.

This one was a bit of a freebie because of promotional images, but sometimes you need a layup to heat up a little bit. Prediction Counter: 1/1

Black Widow and Okoye team up to do something cool. I’m not sure what that cool thing will be, because they’re two of the more grounded Avengers going up against the most powerful being in the universe, but they had a moment where they fought alongside Scarlet Witch in Infinity War and I just have a feeling they’ll be teaming up again in this movie.

This one didn’t happen because Black Widow sacrificed herself for the Soul Stone. There was a similar scene where all of the lady Avengers teamed up to help move the Iron Gauntlet to the quantum realm machine, but not specifically Nat and Okoye. Prediction Counter: 1/2

Wong comes out of nowhere to become a key piece of the puzzle. After the Time Stone was taken in Infinity War, Wong dipped to protect the New York Sanctum from Doctor Strange. It’s been confirmed that actor Benedict Wong will be back for this movie, so I think it’s fair to assume he’s going to do some Master of the Mystic Arts stuff.

This is semi-true, right? He did come out of nowhere (through one of those portals) with a bunch of sorcerers. I’m giving this one to myself. Prediction Counter: 2/3

Captain Marvel doesn’t play as big of a role as we’re led to believe. I think this movie is going to focus more on coming full circle with the OG Avengers, so they won’t focus on a brand-new character in Endgame.

This is true. Although she has some important moments, Captain Marvel was gallivanting around the galaxy for the majority of this movie. Prediction Counter: 3/4

Rocket Raccoon has more of a role than we’re led to believe. Rocket is crafty, knows the ins and outs of space travel, and presumably knows a lot about Thanos from his travels with Gamora. I have a feeling Rocket will be a key player.

Rocket is about as important in this movie as you would expect. He flies the ship and does his job when collecting the stones. I’m not giving myself this one. Prediction Counter: 3/5

It takes more than one shot at Thanos to win. I imagine the team’s going to come up with a plan, fight Thanos once, maybe lose a few Avengers, and come away with two or three stones. Then, they’ll be able to take down the Mad Titan once the playing field is leveled.

I’m not sure how to score this one. Technically they went after Thanos twice, but the first time it was a futile attempt after he destroyed the Infinity Stones and the second time was a past version of Thanos traveling into the future to redo the snap. I’m gonna give myself half a point here. Prediction Counter: 3.5/6

Captain America delivers the final blow to Thanos. Cap hasn’t really had a huge shining moment in any Avengers movie, despite being the team’s leader. He had that moment in Infinity War where he stopped Thanos from closing his fist for a few seconds, but other than that he hasn’t had a signature moment in a non-Captain America movie. I think he’ll be the one to take Thanos down once and for all, possibly by using one of the Infinity Stones.

Nope. Iron Man sacrifices himself to snap Thanos and his cronies out of existence. It was super cool to see Cap throwing Thor’s hammer around, though. Prediction Counter: 3.5/7

Lots of deaths. My guesses: Iron Man, The Hulk, Rhodey, Hawkeye, and Thanos (duh). There are several reasons I picked this lineup. I think Rhodey will be one of the first to go since he’s one of the less-equipped Avengers going into this battle. Hawkeye will be forced to make a choice between himself and his dusted family, and he’ll choose them. I don’t know if I trust Bruce Banner’s instincts in battle even when he has the strength of the Hulk, and he’s an outside-the-box pick to die that no one is really talking about. Finally, I think Tony Stark is going down in the final battle against Thanos, which will give Steve Rogers the motivation/power to wield one of the Stones against Thanos. Thanos dies because he’s the bad guy, and that’s what bad guys do in these movies.

I went 2/5 (Iron Man and Thanos) on this one and would have been 3/5 if Black Widow let Hawkeye sacrifice himself for the Soul Stone. I’m giving myself another half. Prediction Counter: 4/7

Time gets turned back and all the characters who got snapped to dust will return. I mean, this one is basically a forgone conclusion. We know that Spider-Man has another movie coming out this summer, and sequels for characters like Black Panther, Doctor Strange, and the Guardians of the Galaxy have been confirmed.

Yep. They all made awesome entrances, too. Prediction Counter: 5/8

Steve Rogers survives, but decides to step away from the Avengers after this. After taking Thanos down, Captain America will step down and finally retire after years of saving the world. The Captain America shield will get passed on to one of his friends (my guess is Bucky, but there have also been rumors that Falcon will take over), and we’ll see him pop up here and there, but he’ll take a backseat moving forward.

Nailed it. I’m kind of confused how the timeline works since Captain America is all old at the end, but he still survives the battle and decides to step down, then gives Falcon his shield to take over as Captain America. Prediction Counter: 6/9

…

All in all, not bad! Maybe I’m super smart or maybe I need to try out some hotter takes. I still need to finish my full in-depth recap/review of the movie, so keep an eye out for that this week.

Welcome back everybody! Last night in Game of Thrones’ newest episode ‘The Long Night,’ the living army featuring most of our favorite characters took on the White Walkers, led by the ruthless Night King. I wrote a blog predicting who would go down, so let’s see just how wrong I was. (Spoiler alert: I was very wrong)

–My death predictions: Brienne of Tarth, Jaime Lannister, Podrick Payne, Greyworm, Gendry, Theon Greyjoy, Davos Seaworth, Lyanna Mormont, Jorah Mormont, Samwell Tarly, The People from the Soup Line (from last week’s episode), Everyone in the Crypt

–Who Actually Died: Lyanna Mormont, Jorah Mormont, Theon Greyjoy, the little girl from the soup line, Jon and Sam’s friend from the Night’s Watch (I’m not sure what his name is but you know who I’m talking about, the one with the long hair and the receding hairline), Ser Beric, The Red Woman

–So How’d I Do? Not great. Only 4 of the 16 people I thought would die actually bit the dust, plus I missed three others. I’m really surprised we didn’t see more people get killed.

As for the episode itself, I didn’t totally love it. The more I think about it, the more disappointed I am. It was difficult to see what was going on the whole time because it was dark and the camera was shaking a lot. I thought we would see more major characters go down (obviously), and there were several times I thought Jaime, Brienne, and Sam died because of the way it was presented. Sam, by the way, should have stayed in the crypt. You can’t be all “I’ve killed a White Walker before, I should be out there for the battle!” then whimper your way through said battle.

And how about the Night King? What a fraud! When he doesn’t have an undead army and some insane magic on his side, he’s not so tough. He robbed us of an awesome one-on-one fight scene between him and Jon Snow, then strutted over to Bran and got killed by a teenager (okay, I’m not exactly sure how old Arya is considered to be in the show but she’s on the younger side). Also, what the hell was Bran doing this whole episode? He warged into a raven, did nothing of use, then came back to give a bad pep talk to Theon and almost die at the hand of the Night King.

As a matter of fact, I felt like a lot of this episode was us coming close to satisfying moments, getting a taste, then being let down. The Night King vs. Jon scene, most of the death scenes (except the Mormonts, they’re champions), the Night King’s death itself. All of these things felt like they weren’t fleshed out enough for me. As far as Game of Thrones battle episodes, this one ranks toward the bottom with me.

Last night’s Twitter memes were elite though.

In case you’ve been living under a rock, Game of Thrones’ final season is in full swing. After two episodes of setup, the Battle of Winterfell is upon us. The show’s creators say the episode will feature the longest battle sequence in TV or movie history, and most of the show’s fan favorites will be joining in the fight for the living against the Army of the Dead. It’s basically a guarantee that a lot of our favorite characters will be taken out in this battle…so who’s going down? Here are my best guesses:

–Brienne of Tarth. Ser Brienne was knighted by Jaime Lannister in last week’s episode, which essentially completes her story arc. This show doesn’t keep characters around for no reason. Brienne is as good as gone.

–Jaime Lannister. Jaime will be fighting alongside Brienne. He admitted that he’s not as good a soldier as he used to be last week, so something tells me this will be the last time we see him.

–Podrick Payne. The well-endowed young man with a golden singing voice is Brienne’s loyal squire. He’ll probably go down trying to save her, but end up getting himself killed in the process.

–Greyworm. The leader of the Unsullied made plans to grow old on a beach with Missandei in last week’s episode, which is the Game of Thrones equivalent of being a police officer who announces he’s retiring in two days. He’s dead.

–Gendry. Sex scenes result in pregnancies every time it’s good for the plot in GoT, which means Arya is probably carrying Gendry Jr. after their romp last week. This also means that Gendry is getting killed off tonight.

–Theon Greyjoy. Theon volunteered to protect Bran Stark while he sits as bait for the Night King. Theon’s had some successful fight sequences, but the Night King is gonna make quick work of him.

–Davos Seaworth. Ser Davos mentioned that he managed to survive the Battle of the Bastards and the Battle of the Blackwater without any real combat skills in the last episode. The third time will be the charm (or lack thereof).

–Lyanna Mormont. The only time we saw Lady Lyanna last week was when she was telling her cousin, Ser Jorah, that she was fit for battle and didn’t need to stay in the crypt during the fight. She’s dead.

–Jorah Mormont. Samwell gave Jorah his family’s sword last week, and Jorah said he would wield it in his father’s honor. Fighting for a cause? He’s toast.

–Samwell Tarly. Sam gave up his Valyrian steel sword the night before a battle against an enemy that’s only killed by Valyrian steel and dragonglass. What an idiot! (Sub-prediction: After Jorah dies, Sam will pick the sword up and do some damage, but eventually die at the hand of the Night King)

–The people from the soup line in last week’s episode. This includes the group of men who complained to Davos that they weren’t fit for battle when they were in the soup line last week, and the little girl who wanted to know if she should be in the crypt or not during the battle. There was no reason to add these characters in other than making the audience form a small connection with them before killing them off.

–Everyone in the Crypt. Jon Snow (noted tactical genius) has a very smart plan to put all the women and children of Winterfell in the castle’s crypt because it’s safe and underground. What could possibly go wrong? What’s that? Everything? Yeah, pretty much everything can go wrong here. The crypt has one entrance, it’s dark, and it’s full of centuries’ worth of dead bodies. That makes it almost too easy for the Night King. Tyrion, Missandei, Gilly, Young Sam, and basically everyone else, it was nice to know you.

Body Count: At least 18 people.

This review does not contain spoilers for Avengers: Endgame. I’ll be posting a longer, more in-depth, spoilery review at some point today/this weekend.

In case you’re still cleaning up from your housewarming party at your new home under a rock, Avengers: Endgame hits theaters this weekend. It’s an epic three-hour conclusion to the Infinity Saga of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, and I couldn’t think of a better way to wrap things up for this phase of this incredible franchise.

There were so many great things about this movie, I’m having trouble figuring out where to start. Despite being one of the most-hyped movies ever, it manages to surprise the audience throughout. The acting performances were great, and despite being three hours long, the story was brisk and action-packed. It felt like every Avenger had their moment to shine despite an enormous ensemble cast, something the Russo brothers have gotten down to a science during their time making movies in this universe.

Endgame does a great job of creating a new story while also rewarding fans who have seen every MCU movie. There were tons of fan-pleasing moments, callbacks, and other moments I can’t get into without ruining the movie. I’ve never had a theater experience like the one I had last night. People were laughing, crying, cheering, gasping. It was like being at the Super Bowl mixed with a Def Jam comedy show. It was insane.

If I had to rate this movie on a scale of 1-10, I’d give it a 9.8. There are a few things that didn’t work for me, but overall the movie was a cinematic achievement that should be celebrated. The Russo brothers and Kevin Feige are masters at their craft, and their ability to create a comprehensive cinematic universe where most of the movies manage to feel fresh (if you look at things purely on a surface level they may seem formulaic, but if you dig a little deeper you realize that’s not really true) is nothing short of impressive.