I Just Got Fired…What Should I Do While I’m Unemployed?

This morning, for the first time in my life, I was let go from a job. Apparently, if you work in sales, they expect you to “try hard” and “sell things.”

*Please know that if you’re a prospective employer, my release was strictly budgetary and not performance-based. Hiremepleasethankyou*

It’s a strange feeling. I’ve never been fired before and I’ve only really quit one job (the one I had before this one). It’s the first time I’ve been unemployed since I graduated college. I was obviously upset at first, but the more I’ve thought about it, the better I feel. As a young man with a clear schedule, the possibilities for how to kill time are limitless. Here are a few of the ideas I’ve had in the immediate aftermath of my sudden unemployment:

  • Clean my room like reeeeeeally thoroughly

  • Exercise (okay, maybe not)

  • Read a book (preferably one with pictures, I don’t have THAT much time on my hands)

  • Learn how to throw a knuckleball

  • Try standup comedy and quit if I’m not discovered and made famous immediately

  • Watch all of the stuff on Netflix/Hulu/HBO that everyone tweets about so I can participate in the discussion

  • Study up and become a Jeopardy! contestant

  • Form an even more unbreakable bond with my dog

  • Become one of those guys who’s really into Reddit

  • Get really good at playing the guitar/re-learn how to play the piano (it’s only been 11 years since my last piano recital, how rusty could I be?)

  • Perfect the art of parallel parking

  • Attempt to become a YouTube star despite a lack of charisma and video editing skills

  • Get really good at impressions (I’ve been told that my Al Pacino is “okay”)

  • Learn how to cook something that’s not popcorn or toast

  • Become a lethal three-point shooter

  • Watch all of the movies that are nominated for Oscars (Actually, not sure if I’ll have the time to watch The Irishman, heyoooooo)

  • Definitively solve the JonBenet case

  • I already have a beard, but if I didn’t, I would definitely grow out some five o’clock shadow as a mark of unemployment

  • Work on my resume and find a new job, I guess

Who knows what the future holds? I sure don’t. If you have suggestions for a man in his early-to-mid-20s without a job to distract him, shoot them my way. (Also: If you’re hiring, holla atcha boy)

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