Why The Baltimore Ravens are Ruining My Life

DemandingArtisticErmine-size_restricted.gif

Sundays in the fall for me are always spent the same way. I lay on my couch, order food about two or three times, and burn through about a whole tin (unless I’m gambling, which I always am, so its more like a tin and a half) and watch the NFL. Now, for some reason, I am a Baltimore Ravens fan. My dad wasn’t, no one in my family is, but they basically run my life from September to the early winter depending on their playoff run. Since I was young, I clung to heroes like Ray Lewis (show me a shred of evidence on his “murder” I dare you, there isn’t any) and I loved watching Ray Rice (yea I know theres evidence there, yikes). When they went to the Super Bowl in 2013 it was the greatest year of my life. You had Flacco in his prime, Ed “Ball Hawk” Reed, Ray Lewis, T Sizz, D Pitta, Boldin, Torrey Smith, and much more and they were clicking on all cylinders. My brother went to New Orleans to watch them win and I still absolutely hate his guts for it. I walked on air for about a year after and still continue to argue that Flacco is elite to this day, ask my friends they hate me for it.

giphy-4.gif

 

I can’t even begin to describe the steep plummet this team has done since 2013. We’ve had players retire, we’ve traded players, and recycled through players like no one’s business. Questions about Flacco are still in the air, we had absolutely no run game for a couple of seasons after the excommunication of Ray Rice, and have really only had Justin Tucker to thank for consistent offense (I’ll get to him later). We’ve been abused by the Steelers who have ruined our playoff hopes for the last couple of years and we could never really just put the pieces together.

 

giphy-5.gif

The last couple of off seasons however have been actually positive. We drafted some well rounded defensive players like Marlon Humphrey and were able to add pro bowl free safety Eric Weddle. We picked up new receivers that were either washed up or no one really knew about who have turned out to be really good targets for Flacco. With the draft pick of Lamar Jackson, we seem to really have a high scoring, dangerous offense and really starting to look like the old Ravens team that took us to the Super Bowl. In addition to that, our defense is man handling most of the teams we play which allows pressure to be taken off the offense.

 

 

This season seems to be different. Flacco obviously more motivated with the addition of Lamar Jackson, and reports say that it was Joe’s best preseason camp anyone has ever seen from him. Alex Collins looks good and can punch the ball in when they need it. Him and Buck Allen in the backfield give the ravens a “Earth, Wind, and Fire” feel. The “washed up” receivers that no one wanted are proving to be deep and shallow threats and give Flacco multiple targets. It beats last year when Mike Wallace or Jeremy Maclin would run deep and Flacco would just try and get a pass interference play. The O-Line is giving him MUCH more protection and the defense continues to shit pump. Wow all this great stuff, “How hey have they ruined your life?” you may ask…Let me explain

 

 

Week 1: We come out balls to the wall, full send against the Buffalo Bills, not even close. Ok, we look good, but it was against the Bills. Next game against the Bengals was the real test. We absolutely shit our pants. We let ginger Andy Dalton basically walk us all up and down the field. The reason why this game stung so much is because we lost to them last year off a bullshit pass in the last minute, I believe if I’m not mistaken. Ok whatever, we rebound and go to play the Broncos. I’m nervous, I’m sweaty, I couldn’t even read this team at that point. We come out and we play better than expected. Flacco throws no interceptions and we establish a strong run game for what I assumed would be a tough defense. I really honestly thought Von Miller was gonna Von Miller and basically eat Joe Flacco. But we stuck it out and caught the W. The next game was the mother load, the Pittsburgh Steelers. I cannot emphasize enough how much I freaking hate the Steelers. Their stupid towels, their field is named after a condiment company, and Big Ben’s fat mug has taken us out of the playoffs more times than I can remember. Joe Flacco comes out, and Im sorry for cursing so much Tommy (other blog writer who told me I cant curse that much) but Elite Joe Flacco put his dick on the table and owned Big Ben in Pittsburgh. I’m thinking to myself “Holy shit, we’re looking good, this may be our year, I love this team.”

 

We lose next week to the Cleveland Browns 12-9 in an OT field goal. I’m not even going to talk about this loss.

 

sadflacco.0.gif

 

We then go to the Titans, shut em out, and sack the flying Hawaiian 11 times. Enough said, we bounced back. Last week was a blip.

 

AND THAN WE PLAY THE SAINTS. I’m nervous. Drew Brees has never beat us and they’re coming off a bye week. Whew baby am I sweating. We go up 10-7 going into the half. The under is looking great, the Ravens are containing Drew which is all I can ask for. By the end of the third quarter, I am thinking we got em. We come out in the fourth quarter and poop our pants. Outscored 17-0 going into our last possession. Joe Flacco has this unbelievable drive, that I’m not going to lie, only elite quarter backs can do. He finds Smokey Brown in the end zone with roughly 30 seconds left. I have gone full fledged insane at this point and I can’t even control what is going through my mouth. ‘ WE’RE GOING INTO OT, WERE GOING INTO OT, WE GOT EM NO DOUBT.” All Justin Tucker has to do is make the PAT which he has never missed in his ENTIRE CAREER, THE MAN IS A GODDAMN GOD AT KICKING FIELD GOALS. I HAVE NEVER SEEN THIS MAN MISS AN EXTRA POINT IN HIS NFL CAREER. AND WHAT DOES HE DO… he shanks it. We lose by one point and go to 4-3. This team has put me on an emotional roller coaster the last five years and this season is nothing short of that. I am getting blue balled every week and I still cannot even tell if we’re good. I love them, but they are destroying me on the inside and the emotional stress is weighing on me. Jesus.

 

Unknown-5

Leave a comment